She's Lost Control
by Wonderland xo Writing
Summary: When Isabella Swan was fourteen, she tried to commit suicide. She was admitted in Vilette Psychiatric Hospital and hasn't spoken since. Alice sees a vision that Bella is Jasper's Mate, prompting Jasper to get a job at the hospital to help her. He finally uncovers the reasoning behind Bella's self harming, but he might be too late to save her. Jasper/Bella Resuming 12/13
1. She's Lost Control

**Chapter 1**

**She's Lost Control**

_Red, green, blue, black, white. Red, green, blue, black, white..._

"Isabella?" Dr. McCormack tries unsuccessfully to get me to talk. Again. In vain. Pointless.

I keep my gaze outside the window, reciting the order of the color of the parked cars.

_Red, green, blue, black, white. Red, green, blue, black, white..._

"Isabella, please look at me."

Ignore her. Ignore her. Ignore her.

Dr. Abigail McCormack is an old, bitter woman, probably around late forties, early fifties. Gold wedding band wrapped around her left ring finger. Penn State Diploma hanging smugly on the wall. Various pictures of her children are scattered along her mahogany desk, displaying her with a Yale graduate, who I'm guessing is her son. There's another one with her standing next to a young girl, probably around my age. On the desk are various knickknacks, probably gifted to her by her loving children. I look over to another picture, one of her and man, her husband.

They don't love each other. You can see it in their eyes. In fact, they despise each other. I can probably map out their whole relationship. They probably in love when they were younger, falling quickly and swiftly in love. Then he popped the question. She obviously said yes, thrilled with the idea of getting married and having a dream wedding. Hey, she's got a degree and a man. What else could a girl want? They probably had passionate sex every single day during their first year of marriage. The next year, every couple of days. The next, every couple of weeks, until they get sick of each other. Then she got pregnant with her son. He kept them occupied, their minds off how much they hate each other. Then, they had another kid, to balance it out when they got sick of their son. Raising kids keeps them at a distance, but they stay together for social events, like that graduation, acting as the perfect couple. Wealthy, intelligent, caring. Inside, they hate their lives and a part of them wishes that their kids will fall out of their cycle, though most of their conscience is happy that their kids will end up just like them.

_It's the cycle that never ends, never ends, never ends..._

"Isabella, are you listening?"

Dr. Abigail McCormack is a smarmy, unattractive woman. She might have been attractive in her glory days, but those are long gone. There's scattered grey hairs running through her long black hair tied into a bun at the nape of her wrinkled neck. Always a bun, never down. A gold chain with a heart hanging from her neck, probably gifted to her from her loving husband.

Dr. Abigail McCormack is a prodder. Constantly prodding me. She takes a stick, prod, prod, prod. I sometimes feel like I'm on stage for her scrutiny, spotlight right on me. Dr. McCormack's beady brown eyes watching my every move, hoping I'll put on a show for her. Hoping I'll obey her commands. Talk to me. Let your feelings out. Talk to me. Talk to me. Talk to me!

STOP!

No, I can't scream at her. I won't talk to anyone. I won't let anything out. I won't let them know. I won't let them in. I won't let them break me down. Silence is golden. There's not enough silence in this world.

Dr. Abigail McCormack just gets fed up with my silence and prescribes me an anti-depressant before sending me on my way. I've gone through three doctors int he past year I've been here. They just give up. Give up. Quitters.

_Red, green, blue, black, white. Red, green, blue, black, white..._

"Isabella, I've talked to your parents about changing your treatment and medication. They've given me their consent."

Ah, yes. Charlie and Renée. My loving birthgivers.

"If your treatment is successful, then we could send you home. Wouldn't you want that?" she says, clicking her pen, hoping she'll have something - anything - to write down on that little piece of paper. The one that she'll put in the folder that marks me as certifiable. The one that says I'm depressed and I cut myself for attention. They don't understand.

Home? What is a home? Where is a home? My home right now is Villette Psychiatric Hospital. "The Cuckoos Nest" as called by many. Where is my home?

Forks, Washington.

_The City Of Forks Welcomes You - Pop. 3246_

Somewhere in a small, two bedroom white house lives a Police Chief named Charlie Swan and a kindergarten teacher named Renee Swan. They were high school sweethearts, fell in love, got married, and had a beautiful baby girl they named Isabella Marie. She was the apple of both of their eyes, a happy baby and child. Nothing could go wrong in that perfect family. They're living the American Dream.

_"So this is my fault?"_

_"Oh, this is all your fault!"_

_"I wish I never married you, fucking asshole!"_

_"The feeling is mutual! Maybe life would be a whole lot fucking easier without you two!"_

"Isabella?"

They thought I couldn't hear them, but I could. I heard everything. I went into my closet, closed my door, shut my eyes, hands over my ears. Taking the blade. Dragging it across my wrist. I still heard them. Screaming, crying, crashing, breaking, sobbing, then the make-up, angry fucking that followed. I think they enjoy the fighting because of that. I'm the topic of most of their fights. I'm the cause of most of their problems. If I wasn't born, everything would be peachy keen.

They never come and see me anymore. I imagine since their problem is gone, they're living a great life. Daddy dearest is embarrassed of my because of my first suicide attempt, he's the parent of the town crazy. A Police Chief who couldn't keep face in Forks, Washington. They don't understand. I was doing them a favor, they shouldn't have called the ambulance. I was getting rid of their problem, but they ruined it. They ruined it.

"Isabella, don't you want to get out of here? To live a normal life?"

Normal?

Mundane. Dull. Monotonous. Boring. Bland. Blah.

What is normal?

Adjective.

Conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.

No.

What would I do if I got out of here? Go back to living with Charlie and Renee? Was that normal? Are screaming matches standard in all houses? Charlie and Renee. When was the last time they visited?

For Christmas visits, on December 23.

What day is it today?

I glance at the small calendar with golden retriever puppies on it.

June 22.

School would be letting out for summer vacation.

School.

Angela was always nice to me. Preacher's daughter who liked photography and wore glasses. She used to date Ben Cheney. I wonder if they still date. They were always nice to me. They were the two golden nuggets in the pile of shit that is Forks Middle School.

Jessica and Lauren were typical mean girls. Always pretended to be friends with me, but talked behind my back. I bet they're having a field day with me. Freak, cutter, attention whore, psychopath, mental patient.

Mike Newton is a future sex offender with the way he persistently asked girl's out on dates, and even after they said no, he would badger and badger and badger.

I hated school. I hated the kids who went there. I've known them since pre-k, and I'm sick of them. I hate them. I loathe them. They never accepted me, because I was odd. I was different. They don't like different. No one likes different.

"Isabella?"

The black car pulled out of the spot in the parking lot. I continue to count the cars through the window.

_Red, green, blue, white. Red, green, blue, white..._

Dr. McCormack sighs, exasperated, obviously done with her attempts at getting me talking. "Steven, please escort Miss Swan back to her room."

"Yes, Doctor." The head orderly, Slimeball Steve, says while placing his hands on me. I cringe away from him. The girl in the room next to mine, Kimberly, nicknamed him Slimeball Steve. Apparently he has had "fun" with some of the other patients when the Doctors are nestled all snug in their beds, away from the Cuckoos Nest.

_While the Doctors away, Slimeball Steve will play..._

"I'll see you tomorrow, Isabella." Dr. McCormack says as Slimeball places a hand on my arm, pulling me out of the room and down the hall. I keep my eyes on the ground, watching the alternating tiles...

_Blue, white, blue, white, blue, white, blue, white, blu-_

"Here we are, _Isabella_." he rolls my name off my tongue, cloudy grey eyes watching me, looking me up and down. I pull my long-sleeved shirt down as I enter my room. Slimeball let's his hand linger on me before I walk over to my bed and take my seat, looking up. Slimeball licks his lips before winking and walking out of the room and closing the door. Fucking asshole. Sighing, I stare at the white wall, sitting on my blue blanket, and doing my normal "sanity checks," just in case the pills they give me make me forget.

_My name is Isabella Swan. I'm fifteen years old. I'm a patient at Vilette Mental Hospital in Seattle, Washington. I'm not crazy, but everybody thinks I am. It has been 157 days since I've talked. It has been 36 days since I've cut. It has been 181 days since I've seen my parents. People think I'm crazy, but I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy._

I close my eyes, hearing the screams of one of the patients down the hallway. Curling myself tighter, I place my hands over my ears, trying to block out the screeching.

_My name is Isabella Swan. I'm fifteen years old. I'm a patient at Vilette Mental Hospital..._

* * *

**This story was inspired by a couple of things. Cut by Patricia McCormack, which is a fantastic book. The movie "Veronika Decides to Die" and I was also watching "Girl, Interrupted" while reading this. I would definitely recommend both of those movies. I've never been to a psychiatric facility, so I'm going with what I've read off the internet, what I've seen in movies, and also putting my spin on things since Vilette is supposed to be a privately owned and funded psychiatric hospital. Bella was put into the hospital by her parents, who never divorced, after her suicide attempt. ****Jasper and the rest of the Cullens will be introduced in the next chapter. They are still vampires.**

**The title of this chapter is inspired by the song "She's Lost Control" by Joy Division**


	2. The Cuckoos Nest

**Chapter 2**

**The Cuckoos Nest**

_**443 days ago...**_

I turned the water on, watching as the tub fills up with scalding hot water to about halfway. I turn the water off, before walking downstairs and into the kitchen. Grabbing the lunch meat out of the fridge and the bread off the counter, I make myself a sandwich for an after-school snack, before cleaning my plate, drying it, and putting it back into the cabinet. I skip back upstairs and into the bathroom with a smile on my face, walking over to the tub and step in the now-warm water, clothes and all. I close my eyes and relax in the water for a couple of minutes, enjoying these last moments of serenity, before reaching over the tub and grabbing the razor. Pushing up my long sleeves, I see all of my old scars. My practice. My experiments. My therapy. I press the sharp edge to my wrist, right over the blue-green vein, and apply pressure, and more, and more, until a bead of red liquid appears from my skin. I don't feel the pain anymore, I only feel the pleasure. I drag the blade, more liquid, more pleasure, more gratification. More and more and more. The blood drips down my wrist and into the water, tinting it pink.

I switch hands, placing the razor in my blood hand before repeating the process to my other wrist. I drop the blade on the floor, getting blood everywhere. Mother will be mad about that. She'll have to bleach the white tiles to get the red stains out. I read somewhere that warm water makes you bleed even more. I submerge my bloody arms into the water, my neck following before I smile and submerge my head. Closing my eyes, I welcome the freedom, peacefully drifting away into the dark abyss, never to resurface.

With my death, I grant my parents peace and rid them of their mistake.

There's a bright light. Am I in Heaven? No, I don't deserve to be in Heaven. I killed myself, so where the hell am I? Where the hell am I? Is this the afterlife? I try to move my arms and legs, but find I cannot move them far. My vision gets used to the bright light and I look around, seeing that I'm in a white room. I try to move my limbs again and see that they're strapped to the bed. My wrists are bandaged and sore. I'm trapped. I cry out, my breath shortening, my heart racing. My heart. My heart is still beating. I didn't die. I lived. No! This wasn't how it's supposed to happen! I was supposed to die! I start sobbing while I see a woman in blue scrubs walk over.

"It's okay, it's okay..." she tries to comfort me, but I don't want comfort, I don't need comfort, I need to die. I thrash around on the bed as more people come into the room, and start gathering around me. I feel pressure on my body and see them all restraining me, holding me down and keeping me from thrashing around. I then see the nurse with a syringe and she injects something into my IV in my arm.

There's then an unwanted calmness spreading throughout my body, causing my muscles to relax against my will. These assholes are drugging me? Just let me die!

"Isabella, you're okay. You're not in any danger. You're in a hospital. Your parents are here. Do you remember anything?"

I don't answer her. I don't want to answer her. They saved me and I hate them, and now my parents are going to use this as ammo for their future fights. They're going to hate me even more, when this was supposed to help them.

"Isabella? Would you like to see your parents?"

I turn my head away from her, gritting my teeth. I close my eyes, hoping that this isn't real. Hoping that I succeeded and I really did die. Hoping. Wanting. Praying. Wishing.

"Isabella Marie Swan, what the hell were you thinking?" Father barks at me as I turn my head away from them, biting my bottom lip. Why are they even here? Oh, yeah. They take pleasure in yelling at me for all of my fuck ups.

"Isabella, your father is talking to you, look at him!"

I don't.

"Were you even thinking in the first place? Isabella!" No response. I won't respond to _them_. "Ungrateful little brat." he mutters the last part, slumping down in a chair, thinking that I didn't hear him, but I did. I hear everything.

"Isabella, you're going to be admitted to Vilette Psychiatric Facility to get you help for your sickness. Your parents have already given their consent and you'll be moved in the next hour." I hear Dr. Andrews tell me at the hospital. I look over to the young, blonde doctor who's smiling at me widely. Too wide. Showing me all her perfect white teeth. Her green eyes are speaking to me, telling me that she can't wait to get rid of me. Just like everyone. No one wants me around them. No one.

I then move to Vilette Mental Hospital in a rural part just outside of Seattle. Surrounded by miles and miles of forest, there's a tall white building smack dab in the middle with a huge sign. Vilette Psychiatric Hospital. My home.

There's two wings in this hospital - one for crazy boys, one for crazy girls. Vilette specializes in teenagers and young adults, no one here is under twenty-five. If you're not cured by then, they send you far, far away to the "Nuthouse," also known as _The Haven Institute for the Mentally Ill._

At Vilette, we're not allowed to call it the Cuckoos Nest, the Nuthouse, the Loony Bin, etc. No, no, this is a _treatment facility._ We're not patients, we're called _visitors_, because we "will be leaving." I'm not a cutter, I'm a _visitor with behavioral issues._

There's a distinct schedule around here at Vilette. Breakfast is served at seven in the morning where I sit at a table with the girls from my assigned group therapy. I'm the youngest in the group at fifteen.

There's Regan, she's nineteen and bulimic. I always hear her throwing up in the bathroom late after dinner, well, I hear the vomit hitting the toilet. She's the master of silent vomiting so Sarah, our babysitter and the one who sits outside the girl's bathroom, doesn't hear. She's a Class B since she hasn't been caught. She's also been here the longest.

Then there's Kimberly, who's a seventeen year old schizo. She's in the room next to mine and always has these hallucinations of a man in a trench coat coming to kill her. Her screams always keep me up at night until Molly, our head Nurse, comes in and gives her the "shut the fuck up and sleep" medicine as Kimberly calls it. She's funny. She's a Class A.

Gabrielle is twenty and a self-proclaimed nymphomaniac, though that's not why she's here. She likes to wear a lot of makeup, always painting her lips red and eyes black, flirting with the male orderlies. She's a drug addict, whose drug of choice was crack, and she says she likes it because it keeps her weight down so she can wear the short shorts and tank tops. I hear she gave Slimeball Steve a blowjob outside the cafeteria just after I was committed, and in return, he smuggled in cocaine for her. She was in the hospital for a while after that. I heard she almost overdosed. She's a Class B.

Tara is nineteen and a cutter like me, but she does so for decoration, not gratification or punishment. She says their like tattoos that you don't have to pay for and takes less time. She likes to cut herself and then spray hairspray on the cuts to get them to puff up, so she can proudly display her "art." She has the word "Control" on one arm and "Chaos" on the other. She's a Class B.

Lilli is a proud, twenty-one year old sociopath, and the "only one in this nuthouse." She's a Class C along with me and seems to have some sort of one-sided friendship with me since _we're the only Class C's. _I don't mind her, but I'm not going to be friends with anyone. She likes to mess with all the nurses and orderlies, making crude remarks or actions to them. She gets in fights with some of the male orderlies, too. That gets her sent to "The Hole" a padded punishment room where patients go after they've acted up. She brags that she's been there more than anyone. Lilli's okay, but there's too much sadness with her, though she does a good job of covering it up.

I have my classwork sent to me and I work with a tutor named Danielle. I like Danielle, because she doesn't try to get me to talk. She just comes in, we work on my school work for two hours, and sometimes she'll bring me books from the library near her house. Sometimes she'll just tell me about her life and I like to listen to her. Danielle is twenty five years old and tall for a female, with long, flowing caramel colored hair and big, blue eyes. Her face is round and she has dimples on both of her cheeks and a slight Australian accent, where she was born and raised.

After my tutoring session, I have "study hall" which is the time when the other girls will go to their treatments. I'm off anti depressants right now, so I go to the room and sit by myself, reading or doing my homework. Lilli goes to anger management, Gabrielle goes to the infirmary for either blood or urine tests, and if she's not there, she's also in anger management. Tara goes a couple of different therapists for her "body issues." Regan and Kimberly go to relaxation therapy. I'm the only girl with a specifically designated doctor, so I don't have "individual treatments." They don't know what to do with me. I only have sessions with Dr. McCormack for one hour, so I'm usually alone in study hall. Which I like. It's monitored by Michael, who is one of the male nurses here. He's nice to everyone. I would say Michael is probably in his late twenties with mocha colored skin and buzzed brown hair, with light green eyes. Most of the girls here have crushes on him, but he always wears his wedding ring proudly. He's married to Danielle.

After study hall is lunch, where Regan's meals are monitored. She always sneaks out after and throws up the meal. I don't think she wants any help, but then again, do any of us really want help? We believe we're fine. We're a-fucking-okay. Everyone else is messed up. We're the sane ones.

We have group therapy once a week with Monica, another doctor here, though she dresses like she's going to the mall. We all sit in a circle and share our thoughts and feelings about everything, Monica hoping one of us has a breakthrough. You see, the key to the breakthrough is crying. It's easy to fake a breakthrough, I've many girls successfully fake it and then they're able leave. I'm not a good actress and I can't cry on demand. Sometimes, I question whether I really want to leave this place. Hell, it's better than listening to my parents fight and fuck at home.

We have "down time" after group therapy where we can go into the rec room and watch tv, play cards, and hang out. I usually just go down there to read while the other girls hang out. They try to invite me to join in on their talks, and I appreciate the gesture, but I like seclusion, and I like that they don't hold it against me. We all need our space sometimes.

After that we have our dinner then some more down time, before it's lights out. Then we repeat the day, except on Saturdays and Sundays when everyone else goes to their designated individual therapy. I usually just stay in the rec room and read books Danielle brings me.

This facility is run by a system. You're assigned a class with your behavior, and you have special privileges. Class A's have free reign to walk around to their meals, their therapy, the vending machines, the front desk, the phone booths, and their study hall without an escort. Class B's are to be escorted by some Class A's since they're more trustworthy with their satisfactory behavior. Class C's, like me, are escorted by an orderly or nurse. I'm a Class C since I was caught cutting a month ago. I used a safety pin I found on the floor outside the reception area, which is odd since sharps like paper clips, safety pins, thumbtacks, bobby pins, any glass, etc. is forbidden. Our forks and knives are always counted and collected after dinner, even though they're plastic.

This is my life in the Cuckoos Nest.

* * *

**The title of this chapter is inspired by the novel, _"One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest" _by Ken Kasey.**

**So, what did you think? The Cullens and their part will be introduced in the next chapter. I know this might not be standard in Psychiatric facilities, but Vilette is fictional. Lilli is inspired by Lisa Rowe from Girl, Interrupted. A proud sociopath and I think that every Mental Hospital has at least one Lisa Rowe or Lilli.**

**- Wonderland xo Writing -**


	3. Criminally Vulgar Shyness

**Chapter 3**

**Criminally Vulgar Shyness**

**Alice Cullen POV**

The vision clears up and I frown, my heart breaking for the small girl in the hospital. She's sitting alone in her room and just staring at the wall while hugging her knees to her chest. Her face looks completely blank, no emotion on it. I only have visions of people I've met, or who we are going to meet. She's going to be one of us, so we need to help her.

"Who was that, Love?" Edward asks, walking over and wrapping his arms around me. I look up at my Mate, my brow furrowed in worry.

"I don't know, but she's going to become one of us. We need to help her. She looks so broken." I then look more into the future and gasp, when I see Jasper and the girl smiling at each other, love sparkling in her brown eyes as Jasper kisses her softly. Then it switches to the girl with gold eyes, standing in the sunlight as she sparkles. Jasper walks up behind her and kisses her neck, placing his arms around her waist.

The vision is hazy, but it's Jasper's Mate!

Edward and I share a look, before he sighs. "We need to call a family meeting."

We walk down the stairs, announcing that we need a family meeting and soon enough everyone congregates into the dining room. Carlisle takes his seat at the head, with Esme next to him. Rosalie and Emmett are sitting across from Edward and I, while Jasper takes a seat next to us. I take a deep breath and stand up, knowing I'm about to change everything in Jasper's life. I'm about to change all of our lives, too.

"I've called this family meeting regarding a vision I had earlier today. It affects one of us immensely." I state, everyone starting to murmur their concerns.

"What is it, Alice?" Carlisle asks and I turn towards the lonely member of the Coven, who frowns in confusion when I look at him.

I try to give him a small smile, knowing I'm going to give him the good news and then the bad news. "Jasper, I've...I've found your Mate."

Everyone starts to get excited and Jasper's eyes widen as they fill with hope and happiness. A huge smile crosses his face, the first time I've seen him smile like this ever, "Alice, where is she?"

I take another unneeded deep breath as Edward squeezes my hand in support, "This is where things get sticky."

Jasper's smile deflates as he frowns, "What's wrong?"

"Well, she's only about fifteen or sixteen years old, and still a human."

"Oh...that's not that bad. I've waited over a century for her, I can wait a couple of more years. Where is she?" he says, his hope still clear as day in his eyes, while I wince.

"That's not the only problem. She's currently in Vilette." I tell them, the room falling silent as the smile slips off Jasper's face, completely.

The hope is gone in his eyes as he asks, "What?"

"She's a...patient at Vilette Psychiactric Hospital in Seattle, Washington."

"Jasper's Mated to a psychopath?!" Emmett booms from his seat, his face scrunched up in confusion. I jump right on him, not liking one bit that he called her that. She's going to be my sister, my best friend.

"No, she's not a psychopath! I was in a Mental Hospital, am I a psychopath?" I yell, feeling protective over this girl as I was once in her shoes. Edward puts an arm around my shoulders and I sigh, leaning into his comforting embrace.

Emmett gets a remorseful look on his face, "Sorry, Ali."

"It's okay, Em. She's _not _a psychopath. She's a self-mutilator." Jasper snaps his gaze to me, golden eyes full of worry, "She cuts herself, and she doesn't talk to any of the doctors. She can get better, I've _seen _her better, but she's not responding the doctors and their treatment at that facility. They don't know how to treat her, so they just prescribe her anti-depressants. She just sits in her room, scrunched into a ball..."

"So, what do we do?" Jasper asks, slightly panicked and I sigh.

A plan has already been forming in my head and I know it will work. "Jasper, I think that it's time you used your psychology degree."

He frowns, looking at me in slight shock, "You mean...get a job at Vilette and become her doctor?"

I nod my head, "Precisely. She doesn't respond to any of the doctors, but I know she would respond to you. But, I'll be honest, it's going to be a tough battle. She doesn't talk to anyone. She's stubborn and her doctors don't know what to do with her. Jasper, I know you could help her."

He nods his head, "Would I even be able to get the job there?"

I quickly peek into a vision as the decision has been made and see Jasper walking down the hallway in Vilette, "Yes, like I said, Isabella doesn't respond to any of her doctors and they're pretty desperate for a Clinical Psychologist. Her current doctor is on her last legs-" I'm cut off by Jasper.

"Isabella?"

I smile and nod, "That's her name. Isabella Swan."

"Beautiful," Jasper whispers, a smile on his face before he turns to me, "I should make a few calls." he says before hurrying up the stairs.

"Alice, have you seen anything else about this Isabella?" Carlisle asks and I shake my head.

"All my visions involving her seem to be fuzzy, but I made out her and Jasper happy together in the future as a human and a vampire. I'm ninety percent sure that Jasper will be able to help her."

"We'll all help her." Esme says, lovingly taking Carlisle's hand. I can already tell that Isabella is going to be mothered by Esme. She'll probably be more of a mother than Isabella's own mother. I don't see any visits by her parents in the near future, but it could change be a split second decision.

Carlisle then asks, "Do you know anything about her family?"

Taking a look, I can't see any visits with her parents, "No, I don't see any visions where her parents visit her."

"What? Her parents abandoned her just because she's sick?" Rosalie snaps, standing up. Her face is twisted into a scowl, always having a soft spot for kids. Always having a dark temper for parents who don't care about their kids.

I shrug, "I'm not sure, but Jasper could figure it out."

"I'll get started on buying a house near Seattle." Esme says, standing up and walking upstairs into her office.

"I guess we should start packing." Emmett says and I nod my head, him and Rosalie walking out of the room. I sit down at the table, Edward walking behind me and putting his hands on my shoulders.

"We'll help this girl. We'll all help her get better." Edward vows and I nod my head, reaching up and placing my hand over the one on my shoulder.

"I hope so."

* * *

**Jasper Whitlock POV**

My Mate. My soulmate. My life. My love.

These words keep running through my head these past couple of days as I sit in my study, making my calls to Jenks. I'm going to have to do some digging and gather all of my paperwork for this job. Thank God my latest degree is from Cornell in Psychology. Dr. Jasper Hale, PhD. I don't know why, but I developed an interest in Clinical Psychology. I've already worked at a hospital a couple of years ago, so I will be able to use that as my experience. This past week, I've been reading all I can get my hands on, trying to learn about self mutilation.

It's different in most cases, and I would like to get a look at Isabella's file to see what her situation is. Why she cuts herself. What she looks to get out of it. I admit I've had to leave the house and take my anger out on the forest surrounding our Massachusetts mansion, already feeling the pain of my Mate hurting herself, and me not being there to stop it.

I let out a bitter laugh as I guess that was Fate getting me prepared for this. Getting me prepared to help my Mate. I'm going to help Isabella any way that I can. I'm going to take care of her. I'll get her better. No matter how long it takes, I'll help her.

My phone rings, bringing me out of my thoughts and I answer it, "Mr. Jasper, I have all of your information ready."

I nod my head, pleased as I pick up more books I bought regarding self-harm, packing them away. "Very good, I will pick it up in two days."

"You're c-coming...here?" Jenks stutters and I inwardly smirk, knowing how intimidating I am to Jenks. I barely have to use my gift anymore. Though Jenks is very loyal and his work is excellent, I pump enough fear in him to keep silent. I haven't exactly aged since I first met in 1986.

I first met him when was an apprentice with the lawyer I worked with first, and he's been my go-to lawyer ever since. His work is good, he's fast, and he always gets the work done in the time frame I assign him. Oh, and he always gets paid very well from me.

"Yes, is that a problem? I am actually moving back to the Seattle area." I inform him, a sick smirk crossing my mouth as I hear his heart rate pick up over the phone.

"Oh..." he trails off and I smirk, deciding to grant him some mercy.

"I will be in your office in two days, Jenks." I tell him, before hanging up and placing my phone back down. I open my laptop and start looking up Vilette Psychiatric Hospital. I've already applied for a job and am waiting to hear a response. Alice said that I'll receive a response from the director later tonight for a phone interview, and that they're so desperate, they'll offer me a position tonight. I figure I should learn more about the facility, and I see that it's a minimum security hospital that specializes in young adults and teenagers. There's two wings, which they keep gender segregated. I start looking through how they treat their patients, and see that they're on a schedule. Some will have tutors who come every weekday so they don't fall behind on classwork. They divide the girls into different groups, which they try to keep the girls together in.

The phone interview goes very well, and I charmed the director of Vilette easily. I let her know I'm flying out to Seattle in three days so I can come in for a final interview, though she's so impressed, I already have the job. "Told ya." Alice chirps from the doorway as I hang up the phone. I roll my eyes and continue to pack up my things, as everyone else is doing. They've all decided to follow me to Seattle so they can help with Isabella as well. Isabella. Such a beautiful name.

_Isabella. Isabella. Isabella. Isabella. Isabella. Isabella. Isabella. Isabella. Isabella. Isabella._

"Jasper, please stop!" Edward yells from his and Alice's room while I laugh.

_Then stay out of my head._

"If only it was that easy..." he mutters, while I hear him walking downstairs.

One week later, I'm getting ready to start my first day at Vilette. I charmed the hell out of Dr. Wallace, using a little of my gift and southern charm on her. She explained the way Vilette is run, my job requirements, and my salary (not that I really care about that.) I asked her to start as soon as possible, and now I'm parking my car outside the building.

Walking in, I smile at the women sitting at the front desk, the smile that I reserved for my human prey in the past. Both women in the reception area both shoot off buckets load of lust. I'm not planning on making a meal out of any of them, I just want to get on everyone's good graces, figuring it will do me good.

"Good morning, ladies. I'm Dr. Hale and this is my first day."

"Oh, of course." One of the women smiles a little flustered and grab the phone, paging Dr. Thewlis. A couple of minutes later, a male doctor with black hair and glasses walks into the reception area.

"Dr. Hale?" at my nod, he smiles and extends his hand, "I'm Dr. Thewlis. Nice to meet you."

I nod my head, "You too, sir."

"Come on, I'll show you your office and then give you a tour." he says and I nod, following him down the hallway which looks like a college dorm. I see a couple of nurses and orderlies escorting female patients down the hallway, and I keep my eyes out for brown hair and eyes, though I expect I'll feel her before I see her. Hell, I already am feeling a slight tug telling me she's in this building. My Mate is in this building.

"Your office is right here." he says, pointing to a door. He opens it and I step through, smiling. It's fairly large with a wooden desk in the middle. A small leather couch and two leather chairs sit by a window. There's a pretty big bookcase in it, some titles already on them. The walls are painted a neutral cream color with hardwood flooring. I walk over to the bare desk and set my briefcase down, smiling at Dr. Thewlis.

"How about we start that tour? Isabella's session with Dr. McCormack is in twenty minutes." he tells me and my dead heart leaps and I grin, nodding my head. I'll be meeting my Mate soon.

"Of course." I say as I follow him out of the office, him handing me the key to it. We talk causally as we walk down the hallways, while I observe some of the patients.

"We're very happy to have you here, Dr. Hale." Dr. Thewlis tells me as we walk down the hallway and I smile, nodding my head. "Your recommendation and education is quite impressive."

Carlisle wrote me a lengthy letter of recommendation and I've also had some of my professors at Cornell write them for me in the past. Going to college is easy as a vampire with our total recall, it's easy to ace tests. "Thank you, I appreciate that."

"We'll have you look in on a session with Isabella. She's a 'hopeless case' as her former doctors call her." I internally growl at this, knowing that my Mate is not hopeless.

"How so?" I ask as evenly as I can, gritting my teeth, while inside I'm fuming at this fool who insults my Mate...who I haven't even met.

He casually shrugs his shoulders, "She hasn't talked since she was admitted."

"Why was Isabella admitted?" I ask, not having read her file yet. Though, I'm itching to get my hands on it. To learn everything about my Mate. Isabella.

"Well, she attempted suicide when she was fourteen by slitting her wrists, but scars proved that she started cutting about a year before. On her legs, arms, stomach, chest. Anywhere she could. She hasn't responded to any doctors thus far, but I have high hopes that she'll respond to you."

I nod my head, "I hope so. I'll do everything in my power to help her."

"I've talked to her regular doctor, Abigail McCormack, and she said she wouldn't mind you sitting in on one of their sessions today. It's not that exciting though, Isabella just sits there, staying in her own little world." he tells me and I raise an eyebrow.

"Do you know the reason behind her cutting?" I ask, curious and the doctor shakes his head.

"No, her doctors had theories - attention, depression, but she won't open up." he tells me as we arrive to an office with a small plaque reading _Dr. Abigail McCormack_ on it. "Here we are," he knocks on the door, before walking in as a woman stands up from her desk. "Dr. McCormack, this is Dr. Hale. He's going to be taking over Isabella's case."

"It's nice to meet you." I say, reaching out my hand and she takes it. Dr. Thewlis nods his head and walks out of the room, as I turn back to Dr. McCormack.

"You too." I reply as she looks down at her watch, "Isabella will be here in a couple of minutes. I imagine Dr. Thewlis told you about her?" at my nod, she continues, "I'm her third _unsuccessful _doctor. I think you might be successful. She's a teenage girl and you're a handsome young man, she might be compelled to talk to you."

"Well, I'm very interested in helping Isabella. Would I be able to take a look at her file?" I ask and Dr. McCormack takes a folder off her desk, handing it to me.

"Of course, you can look at it during the session-" she's cut off by a knock on her door. "Well, that's Isabella. You can take a seat over there, Dr. Hale." I walk over to the spot she said and look up, seeing a tall blonde orderly walk in, and then the most beautiful thing I've ever seen walks in behind him.

Alice's description didn't do her justice.

I have to physically restrain myself from flitting over and taking her in my arms. She's about 5'2 in height, with long brown hair, a heart-shaped face, with big doe eyes framed by long dark lashes, the color of chocolate. Her eyebrows are straight, but pulled into a small frown as she walks in the room. Her lips are incredibly full with a prominent cupids bow, while they are the color of a dusty rose. Her skin is pale, almost as pale as mine or any other vampire, and she has freckles dusted across her nose.

I notice how skinny she is, the tautness of her cheeks, and the shadows under her eyes. She's wearing a loose, long-sleeve green shirt, jeans, and a pair of chucks. I can see how loose the jeans are, and I wonder if she also has an eating problem.

I then notice her emotions - loneliness and guilt. There's so much guilt, and I have no idea why. I can't feel any other emotions, all I can feel is her loneliness guilt. It's almost staggering. She's so lonely, but I don't think she wants to talk to anyone. I think she might enjoy being lonely. Some people have many emotions at one time, it's never black and white. Someone can be joyful, happy and excited, jealous and angry and sad. Isabella has two clear emotions - guilt and loneliness.

My Mate is absolutely beautiful, but also broken. I need to fix her. I _need_ to fix her.

"Hello, Isabella. How are you today?" Dr. McCormack asks as Isabella sits down on the chair in front of her desk, not responding to her question. She turns her head and looks out the window, staring at the parking lot. Dr. McCormack doesn't even pay it any mind, so I'm assuming this is the norm. "Isabella, this is Dr. Hale. He's going to be taking over for you in the next week."

"Nice to meet you, Isabella." I offer with a smile and after I say this, Isabella slowly tilts her head slightly and shifts her brown eyes to look at me. I'm pleasantly surprised when they show a flicker of life while her curiosity spikes, before it's suddenly gone and she turns her head to the window again. _Baby steps..._

"Isabella, do you want to introduce yourself to Dr. Hale?" No response. It's like Isabella didn't even hear her. Her emotions still stay the same and I look over to Dr. McCormack, who sighs, looking back at her notepad, writing something down.

I open Isabella's file and take a look, seeing a copy of her birth certificate in the front. Isabella Marie Swan, born on September 13, 1987 to Charles and Renée Swan. Her parents told her first doctor that they noticed Isabella acting different when she turned eleven. She didn't have many friends and barely left the house, only for school. When she was thirteen, she started wearing layers and layers of clothes, always long sleeves and pants, never shorts or tank tops. She would barely talk to them, and Charlie and Renée said that caused them to fight.

I then see the day she tried to commit suicide last year when she was fourteen. Her mother came home from work early and found Isabella submerged in the bathtub, her wrists cut open. She pulled her out of the tub and called 911, luckily the doctors were able to stop the bleeding and stitch her up. My heart clenches as I realize how close I had been to losing my Mate. She needed two pints of blood transfused. I have wonder if I would have felt it. Felt the pain of my Mate being dead, felt my heart split in my chest as the other half of my soul died.

Her parents then committed her to Vilette, and there's not a lot of information after that. She's been unresponsive to doctors, but her tutor submits a report every month and says that Isabella is very intelligent and has a deep love for reading. I have to smile at this, thinking she would enjoy my library at home. She never talks to her tutor however, only nonverbal responses like nods or shrugs. She seems to be very comfortable with this tutor of hers, Danielle.

She's a Class C, meaning that she needs an orderly to escort her around, since she was caught cutting last month. She has group therapy every day with other girls who will be patients of mine. No response in these.

"Dr. McCormack, I was wondering if I could get acquainted with Isabella. One on one?" I hesitantly ask, not knowing how she'll take this question. For good measure, I project some trust and add a dazzling smile to my request as I can see Abigail fall to my gift. I also notice that Isabella frowns as she watches this exchange, her eyes flicking to me before looking back out the window. Dr. McCormack turns to my Mate.

"Isabella, is that okay?" she asks the girl, who barely raises her shoulders in a slight shrug, though Dr. McCormack seems surprised and pleased with this nonverbal response. She looks over to me impressed and then stands up, smiling at me before walking out of the room. When we're alone, I look over to Isabella, hoping she'll acknowledge me. _Baby steps, Jasper..._

"Isabella, you don't have to call me Dr. Hale, you can call me Jasper if you'd like." she doesn't move her head, but she flicks her eyes to me, our eyes locking. Her brow furrows as she watches me, tilting her head. She's curious about something, but also confused. I do not want to influence her emotions, though, I know it would help out a lot. I could just put some trust in her and she would start talking, but that would feel like cheating. I want my Mate to come to me on her own, no matter how long it took.

She turns her head and looks at me, brown eyes watching me curiously as she tilts her head, exposing part of her neck as she studies me. Intrigue, content, confusion, curiosity. Interesting mix of emotions. I expect her to not feel any lust towards me since she is fifteen, and not ready to explore that part of herself yet. First I will be her friend, her safe harbor, and then I will court her. I will comfort her any way that I can.

I stay still, keeping my gaze locked with hers as she looks me over, before turning her head back and staring out the window, her hair acting as a curtain separating us. _Baby steps..._

* * *

**The title of this chapter is inspired by the song "_How Soon Is Now?"_ by The Smiths**

**Thank you to all who favorited, followed, and reviewed. I'm glad that you are liking this story. Pictures that accompany this story are on my profile. ****Thanks for reading...**

**- Wonderland xo Writing -**


	4. Maybe I Should Kill Myself

**Chapter 4**

**Maybe I Should Kill Myself**

It's already been six months that I've been here, and Isabella hasn't uttered a single word to me. She turned sixteen back in September, and has changed physically. She's grown taller, to about 5'4, a whole foot shorter than me. Her dark brown hair has grown longer, her face has matured, but those are the only changes. She hasn't talked to me, and although Alice tries to assure me that I am helping, and I do receive nonverbal responses from Isabella now, it's a little discouraging that she hasn't talked. It took about three months to receive shrugs, nods, shaking her head. I wish I could just hear her sweet voice, though. I need to be patient and I am a very patient person. Time is something I have a vast amount of, and I intend to use it right.

I study her when she's in the rec room, or when she's walking in the hallway. She usually walks with Lilli Deacons, an older girl from her group who has taken a liking to Isabella. I've seen her sit by her in the cafeteria, or in group therapy. Isabella actually doesn't seem to mind her hanging around and I swear, I saw her smile one time when Lilli told a joke. It was just a small twitch of her lips, but it was something.

I also watch her during her tutoring sessions with Danielle. She smiles sometimes when Danielle grades a test or a report where she gets excellent marks. I've noticed Isabella will sometimes carry in books and hand them to Danielle, who will give Isabella more books. When I inquired to Danielle about it, she says that Isabella already read most of the books in the rec room, so she brings books from her library near her house.

Our therapy sessions together haven't gotten us anywhere. I haven't found a reason for Isabella's cutting, and I smelled blood on her the other day, giving me reason to believe that she is still cutting herself. She always wears oversize sweaters, or long-sleeve shirts, and jeans. No matter how hot it is in this facility, always long-sleeves. I've seen pictures that the hospital took of her scars, and they're everywhere. Her arms, her legs, her stomach, chest, I've also seen some on her cheeks that are hid by her curtain of hair. What could have happened to make this beautiful creature feel the need to mutilate her own body?

Now, many of the patients parents are coming to visit and I watch the joyous reunions. I immediately can recognize Isabella's parents as they into the room, though I've never seen them before. I notice Isabella doesn't look for them as she sits by the window in the rec room staring out it. Everyone else is standing up and running over to their parents, so happy to see them, but not Isabella. She's sullen and a little annoyed. Isabella looks a lot like her dad - brown eyes, brown hair, pale skin. He's dressed in a flannel shirt, jeans, and work boots while he has an arm around the woman next to him, Isabella's mother. Isabella gets her heart-shaped face and lips from her, but her mother has light brown hair, blue eyes, and tan skin. Both of them are feeling extremely annoyed while they look like they'd rather be anywhere but here.

They scan the room until they land on her, both of them sharing an annoyed look before they walk over to her. "Isabella." Her mother says, but Isabella doesn't even look up, staring outside the window and I wonder what's going inside her pretty little head. Her parents sigh and take a seat on the couch.

For the next fifteen minutes, her parents try to engage Isabella, who doesn't even acknowledge their presence. In fact, she seems on edge since they are here. She seems like she's counting down the minutes till they can leave. Each second that passes. Charles and Renée get more and more agitated, until her father stands up.

"You know, if we're going to make the effort to come out here and visit you, you can at least make the effort to talk to us." her father growls out and Isabella just clenches her jaw, and continues to stare outside the window. "Fucking mistake."

I can tell that Isabella hears this by the stab of pain that hits me, despite her blase appearance. It stabs me in the heart and I clench my fists, resisting the urge to go over their and snap the neck of the man who had the nerve called my Mate a _mistake_. I quickly spread my gift out, weeding out the unwanted emotions until I arrive at Charles and Renee's emotions, causing me to frown. I don't feel any love coming from her parents. They, in fact, loathe their own daughter, but they feel obligated to come see her. I try to dig deep, seeing if maybe I can find love deep, down under, but I can't. No love, in fact, they don't even like her. Her parents are, to put it simply, pieces of shit who don't deserve Isabella.

"Let's go, Renee." Charles says, sparing his daughter a final glare as her mother rolls her eyes, walking away from their daughter. Isabella flicks her gaze to their retreating forms, relief filling me from her. When they're out of sight, she relaxes a bit and turns her head, unknowingly over to me and my heart clenches as I look into her glassy brown eyes full of unshed tears. She widens her tearful eyes and quickly averts her gaze away from me, and puts her head down, bringing a knee to her chest and hugging it, her hair creating a curtain that separates my view of her saddened face.

I've never felt particularly sad about anything in my life. I've had the "faux-sadness" as I call it when I feel someone else's, but I've never been generally sad about something. Back during the wars, I couldn't afford to be sad about my fucked up life as Maria's bitch-boy. Anger is an emotion I'm very familiar with. I thrived on it. I lived it. I enjoyed it. I'm angry now, but I'm actually more sad. My Mate is hurting and I can't do anything to help her. At least, not yet. Well, I can do something. I focus on Isabella's emotional signature, and send her a burst of love. Just pure, wild love that I hope will make her feel better. I hope it will act as an embrace that my arms cannot do right now. My lovely Isabella should not be sad. She should never be sad.

Isabella physically relaxes and I smile, sending her another burst before I walk down the hallway to my office, to get ready to go home. I have half a mind to walk outside and snap her parent's necks, using them for their only purpose in this life, blood. They made my Mate cry, and that shit just won't fly with me.

Arriving home, I'm still pissed at Isabella's parents and I slam my briefcase on the table, loosening my tie as Rosalie and Emmett walk in the foyer, raising an eyebrow at my anger. Rosalie is holding a large vase full of flowers from Esme's garden in her hands.

"You okay?" Rose asks and I nod my head, unbuttoning my shirt a little.

"I'm fine."

"What happened, man?"

"Today, most of the patients parents came in to see them. I could see that Isabella didn't want her parents to be there, and they didn't exactly do anything to show their support. I scanned their emotions...they fucking loathe their daughter."

The vase in Rosalie's hands shatters as she crushes it in her bare hands, glass and water and flowers falling on the floor as Rosalie's usually perfect face is twisted into an angry scowl, a growl ripping from her throat. Emmett seems a little surprised, but also turned on by his wife and Mate's display of her animatistic side.

"How the _fuck_ can they loathe their _own daughter?!_" she snarls, her posture tense as Emmett snaps out his lust filled stupor and places his hands on Rose's shoulders, massaging some of the tension out of it.

"They actually made her fucking cry." I mutter, still not believing it. I have the urge to massacre and destroy and roar and growl and snarl and kill anything to take away what I felt from my mate. I run my hands through my hair, roughly tugging as I try to keep my own anger down.

This gets another snarl from Rosalie as she throws the remaining glass on the floor. Her eyes are as black as coal as a continuous growl rumble from her chest. "What are their names? I'm going to go kill them."

I shake my head, wishing we could. "Calm down. We can't kill Isabella's parents...yet."

"Come on, babe." Emmett says, placing an arm around Rosalie and walking up the stairs with her. Considering the shit ton of lust he's throwing off right now looking at his Mate, it's not that hard to guess what they're about to do. I sigh and bend down, picking up the pieces of glass. I then see another hand picking up the glass and I look up to see a heartbroken Esme, she gives me a small smile.

"How can parents just not care about the blessing they've received?" she mutters, mostly to herself. This is hitting Esme pretty hard as well, since she lost her son when he was just a baby, which caused her to want to commit suicide.

I shrug, "Isabella is so special if maybe they took the time to see that."

"Jasper, would it be okay if maybe...I came to see her?" Esme asks softly and this surprises me a little, "You said that she likes to read, and I thought I could bring her some books I enjoy. I could just talk to her, too. I mean, I've tried to do the same thing as her..."

"You would do that?" I ask, touched that Esme would do that for me, for Isabella.

Esme smiles that warm, loving smile which could get Ted Bundy to reconsider his murderous ways. "Of course. I would love to."

I smile at my mother, nodding my head. "I think she would like that. Especially after what happened today. I think she needs a little love."

Esme's face then turns serious, and I can see the inner vampire for a brief second, "You know how I don't like to kill or talk about killing, but I think I'd reconsider with Isabella's parents. What kind of awful people could hate their own daughter?"

"Could I come with?" Rosalie asks, now fully calmed down as she walks with a broom and dust pan over to the glass on the floor. "I'd like to meet this girl."

"I'll see what I can do. Patients are normally allowed visitors and I'm sure since you're my family." I tell Esme and Rose who smile, while finishing sweeping up the glass and flowers. I'm sure it wouldn't be a problem for Rose and Esme to come visit, and I think that maybe she would respond to them. I smile, thinking about how much my family already cares for Isabella, and what they're willing to do for her.

* * *

**Bella Swan POV**

I wasn't expecting much from my parents visit, so I wasn't disappointed. Low expectations lead to no disappointment is what I've learned in the past. My past has always affected my future and I seem to always make rash decisions without thinking about them first.

After all the parents leave, I look over to Lilli, who looks even more sad than normal, sitting in a corner by herself. She looks over to me, as if she feels my eyes on her, and smiles. Her green eyes are holding a lot of sadness, but she smiles. I watch her, seeing what she's about to do, but she just walks over to me and sits down.

"What's up, Izzy. Why so serious?" she asks and I shrug, watching her face. She reaches out and tucks a piece of my hair behind me ear, smiling at me. I look down at my tattered chucks, playing with the dingy shoelace. "You know, my parents didn't even bother showing up."

I don't look up at her, I can hear the bitterness in her voice, "They don't give a shit." she stops, and I can feel her eyes, "I guess that it's better that they didn't come, than they did come and act like complete assholes. Like yours."

I don't take offense to this, because she's right. She wasn't being malicious when she says this. She was stating a fact, and I don't know if truer words have ever been spoken.

"You're a good kid. You're going to get out of here, Iz." she says, using another nickname for me and I look up, shrugging again. A large smile spreads across Lilli's face and she stands up, nodding her head. "Come on, let's go to dinner."

Not really having a choice, I stand up and follow Lilli to the cafeteria with Sarah, who's our escort. The smell of steamed vegetables assaults my nose as soon as we walk into the cafeteria and over to the line, grabbing dinner. We then walk over to our table, taking out normal seats.

"Oh, look at him." Gabrielle says and I look up, following her gaze over to Dr. Hale, who is talking to Dr. Thewlis. "So fucking yummy."

I avert my gaze down as I hear Kimberly laugh, "You planning on getting with that, Gab?"

For some reason, the thought of Gabrielle with Dr. Hale makes me want to throw up and punch her in the face at the same time. I try to will away those disgusting thoughts as I close my eyes, clutching my plastic fork tightly.

"Hey," I hear Gabrielle's voice and I snap my eyes open, seeing the group looking at me. "You have therapy sessions with Dr. Hottie over there, right?"

I don't answer her as I look back down to my "appetizing" dinner. "Hello? I'm talking to you. I swear she's not just mute, she's retarded too."

"Shut up, Gab." Lilli snaps in my defense, and Gabrielle rolls her eyes.

"Was I talking to you, psycho?"

"I'm not a _psychopath_, whore, I'm a _sociopath _and there's a _BIG FUCKING DIFFERENCE_! So, how about you shut your cum receptacle, and leave Izzy alone." Lilli yells, catching the attention of everyone in the cafeteria as they all stop their eating. She then stands up and glares at everyone, "What are you looking at? Go back to your meatloaf!"

My lips twitch in response to this as Lilli plops back down on the bench, the activity in the cafeteria picking back up, "Honestly, Iz, people are fucking nosy."

I shake my head and continue to shove the disgusting food down my throat so the doctors don't bitch at me for having anorexia. Finally it's bed time and I can't wait to forget this day. I change into my pajamas before walking to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth.

I lay in my bed until twelve am, not able to sleep. I've tried and tossed and turned and counted and nothing. I can't sleep...and I think I know why. I have a guilty conscience.

I stand up off my bed and crouch at the side, lifting up the mattress and finding my jewel. I jiggled this piece of metal off the stalls in the bathroom, and it took about two months to do before it finally came loose. I then sharpened it and made one of the edges sharp enough to cut. I'm like a psycho MacGyver or some shit. I've used it about once a week, acquiring new scars to my already deformed body. I like the high I receive when I do cut myself, but I don't like the scars I get, but I can't stop.

I know what I have to do with it, so I stand up and walk to my door, peeking out and making sure one of the orderlies or night nurses aren't here. I hold the sharpened metal firmly in my hand, as I sneak down the hallway without an escort. I need an escort to do anything around here, even if it's to just go to the vending machine. I glance around the corner for nurses or orderlies, not wanting to get caught. I need to do this, I need to accomplish this final task, and then maybe, just maybe, I'll finally be free. With this little task, maybe I'll find some peace and serenity. I quickly and quietly make my way to the bathroom and inwardly chuckle as I now rename it, The Promise Land.

Peace.

I find myself excited to feel that foreign feeling...

* * *

**Jasper Whitlock POV**

Alice and Edward are still out on their little getaway, while Esme is sitting on the couch across from me, reading a decorating magazine. Carlisle is up in his study, Rosalie and Emmett are cuddled on the couch, speaking in whispers about what they plan to do to each other in the bedroom later. I roll my eyes and continue to look over Isabella's file, trying to find a reason, anything really. I keep going over my notes, looking for a rhyme or reason inside that pretty head of hers...

My cellphone rings and I pull it out, hitting the talk button and putting it to my ear, not taking my eyes off Isabella's file. "Jasper Hale." I then notice all the noise in the background, crying, screaming, yelling. What the fuck?

"Uh, Dr. Hale, it's John. I'm an orderly at Vilette. Uh...one of the Doctors told me to call you because uh...one of the girl's just committed suicide...everyone is freaking the fuck out."

At this statement, my blood runs cold as I just picture Isabella, her wrists split open laying on the ground as lifeless brown eyes taunt me. Rosalie and Emmett look over with wide eyes as Esme stops reading her magazine, a hand over her mouth as she radiates worry. I close my eyes, fear running through my body as I ask in a tight voice,

"Who?"

* * *

**The title of this chapter is inspired by the song "_Sail_" by AWOLNATION**

**I apologize if I offend anybody with the use of the word "retarded." Gabrielle is just a bitch. Thank you so much for reading, reviewing, favoriting, and following. I hope you enjoyed...**

**- Wonderland xo Writing -**


	5. This Is Not Wonderland

**Chapter 5**

**This Is Not Wonderland**

**Jasper Whitlock POV**

"_Who _was it? What's the name of the girl?" I growl out when he doesn't answer fast enough, my panic rising as Emmett and Rosalie look worried, Esme walking over to sit next to me, laying a comforting hand on my shoulder. She always had a comforting effect on me, but my panic right now is too high, and I need to know that my Mate is okay..

He notices my tone and starts to stutter, "Uh, I-I don't think I know her name. She's not in my normal group that I take care of...uh, s-something with a couple of L's in it."

"Find out, now!" I snarl and I know I scared him, but I don't give a rat's ass right now. Something with a couple of L's in it, like Isabe_ll_a. I realize that for the first time in a century, I'm feeling the one emotion I hate. The one emotion I couldn't afford to feel. The one emotion I pushed down in my deepest, darkest depths, never having a chance to feel it. When I was the Major, God of War, we were never scared, because we were too confident. Now, I'm scared. I'm fucking terrified.

Fear.

"Uh...shit..." he trails off and I hear his feet running down the hallway, before he stops to talk to someone. It's too low for even my vampire hearing to pick up, especially with all the screaming and crying in the background. "Lilli Deacons. She was found h-hanging in the laundry room by, uh...Isabella something..."

I can't help the sigh and relief that floods me that it wasn't Isabella. "I'll be right there."

Esme places a hand over her unbeating heart in relief as Rosalie and Emmett both close their eyes, sighing. I don't waste any time as I grab my car keys and flit into the garage, getting in my truck and pulling away, speeding to Vilette. I can feel the pull tugging in my chest as I get closer and closer to my Isabella. I need to calm my emotions before I go in there and take her in my arms, destroying anything that would stop me from being close to her.

When I pull into the parking lot, I see the ambulance out front as all of the hospital lights are on. It seems many of the doctors came are here as well as I recognize their cars. I quickly turn my car off and put my keys in my pocket, running at a human pace in the building. As soon as I'm inside, I see the coroners wheeling a black body bag out and I hear Dr. Thewlis calling my name.

"Thank God, you're here. I think Isabella's gone into shock." he tells me and my dead heart clenches as we walk quickly down to her room. When I walk through the doorway, I see a doctor is shining a light in her eyes, but Isabella has a thousand yard stare on her face, not even reacting.

"She's been unresponsive to everyone. Just keeps that stare on her face." Dr. Thewlis tells me and I walk around to the side of her bed, taking her tiny hand in mine. "Isabella?"

* * *

**Bella Swan POV**

I'm standing in the last stall in the bathroom and with a last look to the tempting metal, I toss it in, flushing it down the toilet. I feel a weight lift off my shoulders as I close my eyes and smile. Wow, I really do feel...free. I could have cut myself, I could have searched for that pleasure through that way, but maybe I'm done with that. I don't find myself excited to cut anymore. My heart used to beat quickly, my breathing would turn quick and shallow, my body would start shaking. It was like a drug. I always found my fingers twitching for that blade, wanting to drag it across my skin and watch the warm crimson liquid fall to the floor. I liked how it looked so red against my pale skin.

Not anymore. It almost makes me sick to think about. Maybe I can seek gratification another way. No more cutting. I turn around and walk out of the stall, making my way back to my room, not even caring if I get caught for being out without an escort. I could get thrown in "The Hole" and I wouldn't give a shit. I feel extremely lighthearted and carefree as I walk back to my room, slight smile on my face.

I've had an epiphany of a sort.

The last time I cut, I didn't receive the high I usually get, I just felt pain. The pain. I saw the blood, and there was no euphoria. And then I felt guilty. Guilt is an emotions I normally carry, so I'm used to it, but this time it felt wrong. I felt like I failed. I felt like I failed Dr. Hale. He hasn't given up on me when everyone has in less time than him. He's been patient with me. He's worthy of my trust, and maybe...I could talk to him. My parents are assholes, that's a plain and simple fact, and that's not going to change no matter if I get better or worse. They expect me to get worse, they expect me to stay in this place until I die. Maybe if I get better, I can rub it in their smug faces. Then I'll leave them. I'll get rid of myself another way, without killing myself.

I turn the corner to my hallway and something catches my eye. The laundry room door is slightly ajar.

Frowning as to why I would even care, I walk towards the door, my curiosity getting the better of me. I reach out my right hand to push it open. My eyes catch on the cracked and dirty laundry room sign as I gently tap the door, letting it open all the way. What I see, should horrify me but surprisingly, it doesn't. And it's really sick that it doesn't.

There's Lilli. Hanging from a noose fashioned out of a white bed sheet. She swings slightly as if she did it not too long ago. Her cloudy blue eyes staring at me, boring into me. Her mouth is open and her tongue is peaking out as she looks like she died in mid-choke. A laundry basket is knocked over by her hanging, socked feet. Her arms fall limply at her side. She's dead. I walk over to her body, and look at her face, feeling something.

Pity.

I reach up and close her eyelids using my index and ring fingers, hiding her eyes from the world, before I take a seat, leaning against one of the cold washing machines while I look up to Lilli's dead eyes. She succeeded in what I failed to do. She won, but what did she win? She's dead. So, what now?

Nothing.

Lilli's dead. No more walking with her to group, or to the cafeteria. No more hearing her brag about how many times she's been in "The Hole." No more watching her kick the male orderlies' asses. No more crude jokes that I can't help but smile at. No more Lilli. She died alone and sad. She's dead.

I'm not exactly sure how long I sit here with Lilli, it could have been days. I hear someone's feet walk down the hallway, and they stop in the doorway. My ears start ringing as their high-pitched scream echoes throughout the laundry room. Then there's the yelling. I hear my name being called a couple of times, but I just stare straight ahead. I hear multiple feet running down the hallway towards the room, but I stay still. I don't think I can move. Sobbing. Yelling. Screaming. Panicking. Chaos.

I feel myself shutting down as I allow someone to pull me away from the floor. I'm then put into a wheelchair, being wheeled off to some foreign place. I close my eyes and sink into my Wonderland. The place where I make the rules, my parents don't exist. Where everything is just right.

_"But my dear, this is not Wonderland, and you are not Alice."_

I close my eyes and try to sink deeper into the rabbit hole, blocking out the screams and sobs and yells and shouts and curses. Just focus on your Wonderland. I then see Dr. Hale walking towards me, plaid shirt unbuttoned, jeans clad legs, bare-feet. He smiles at me and holds out his hand. I look down and see that I'm in a white cotton dress and I'm barefoot. We're in a grassy clearing where the sun is shining, the sky is blue and the grass is green. Looking at my arms and legs, I realize there are no scars on my body, they're all gone. I look up to Dr. Hale and see him smiling at me, and I take his extended hand. He sweeps me off my feet and spins me around, before placing his lips firmly against mine.

"Isabella?" Dr. Hale calls me after our lips disconnect and I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. He looks at me worried and I try to tell him that I'm okay, but nothing comes out. Suddenly, the sunny field fades to grey, but Dr. Hale stays. His clothes change into a long sleeve thermal as I still feel his hands on the sides of my face. I then realize that we're back at Vilette.

_"But my dear, this is __**not **__Wonderland, and you are __**not **__Alice."_

"Isabella?"

I continue to look at his eyes. Golden eyes. Such an odd color, yet it fits on him. I've never gotten the opportunity to really study his face close up before. I know Dr. Hale is a handsome man, and I guess I have what you can call a "crush" on him. Ugh, a crush on my shrink. I sound like one of the pervy, smut novels mother always liked to read. But, I can't deny the connection I have to him. We're both anomalies. Deviations from the norm. I don't know what he is exactly, but Dr. Hale is different, and so am I. We fit together.

His face is rugged, and I can see a scar above his right eyebrow from something. It's odd, because it's almost silvery in color. His gold eyes are framed by long, blonde lashes, and he has dark shadows under his eyes, like he hasn't slept in a year. His nose is straight, not too narrow or wide. His lips are my favorite part of his face. The perfect color of a rose, but not too feminine. They're not too full, but not too thin. I wonder what it would be like to place my lips against his. Would it be better than I've dreamed about?

"Isabella, can you hear me, Darlin'?" Ahh, there it is. That term of endearment that makes my gut twist and turn. My gut doesn't fail me as it jumps, and my heart stutters a beat. I decide to give Dr. Hale an answer and I nod my head, him letting out a small sigh of relief, blowing his sweet breath on my face as a smile curves at those supple lips. "You scared me there, Isabella."

No, I don't like that name falling from his lips. I don't like that name period. I don't want him to call me that. Everyone calls me that, and I hate it. I don't know how long he stays with me, but I don't move from the bed. I suddenly start to feel very sleepy, and I look over to Dr. Hale, seeing him with a small smile on his face.

Why hasn't he given up on me? All the other doctors just give up because I don't give them what they want. Dr. Hale deals with the silence and asks questions I can answer nonverbal. He adapted to my since I wouldn't talk out loud.

I'm confused. I don't know why I'm feeling these things over Lilli's death. We weren't close, acquaintances if you would, but why am I feeling so down? She's just another patient who killed herself. They'll just find another patient soon to replace her spot. She was nothing to me. Pink Floyd said it best - all in all, you're just another brick in the wall.

But why am I feeling like this?

The next time I open my eyes, I see that it's still dark out. The clock on the wall says that it's six in the morning, and I know Dr. Hale comes in at six-thirty. My body seems to take over my actions as I get out of bed, throw on a sweater, jeans, and my sneakers before sneaking down the hallway. I arrive at this office and sit down on the bench outside, pulling my knee up, and waiting for Dr. Hale to come to work.

* * *

**The title of this chapter, and _"But my dear, this is ___****not **_Wonderland, and you are __**not **__Alice."_ quote comes from narcisse noir blog on tumblr. It's a line from an unfinished story of hers.

**Lilli's death is important for Bella, sorry if you're mad that I killed her off. This is going to be a turning point in the story for Bella. Oh, and Bella's "Wonderland" is going to be pretty important regarding her shield. When she slips into "Wonderland" it's almost as if she's dead. She shuts down everything and her shield goes up, not allowing Alice to see her future, Edward to read her mind, or Jasper to feel her emotions. It's a physical an emotional defense she developed. Pictures accompanying this story are on my photobucket account. Link is on my profile. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter...**

**- Wonderland xo Writing -**


	6. We Need to Talk About Bella

**Chapter 6**

**We Need to Talk About Bella**

**Jasper Whitlock POV**

What I see when I round the corner to my office stuns me, because she shouldn't be out of bed at this hour, not that I really care. I didn't even expect to see her here after last night, though. Sitting on the bench outside my door is Isabella, wearing an over sized, long sleeve sweater that's army green and I can't help but notice how lovely that color looks on her. She also has on loose ripped jeans, and her normal black chucks. She's staring ahead, her brown hair parted down the center, slightly tangled as she chews on her bottom lip. She's hugging one of her knees as she plays with the thread of one of the rips.

"Isabella?" I call out softy, not wanting to startle her. She turns her head to look at me, eyes slightly widened as her emotions show that she's a little uncertain and nervous.

"Isabella, are you waiting for me?" she immediately nods her head and I unlock the door to my office, opening it and motion with my head for her to enter. She does and as she walks by, I catch her scent of strawberries and freesias. _So fucking good. _I close the door as she takes her normal seat on the leather chair. I take off my jacket and set it on the coat rack before putting my briefcase on my desk and taking a seat, looking at Isabella. "Why were you waiting outside my office, Isabella?"

She sits still for a couple of moments, frowning as she looks down at the ground, "Isabella?"

"Bella..." she whispers before frowning, like she's never heard her own voice before. My eyes widen as I realize, she talked! My heart leaps at the sound of it. It's scratchy and hoarse from not being used, but it's pure music to my ears.

"Pardon?"

She looks over to me, brown eyes finally showing some life. "Isabella is what everyone calls me. It's what my parents call me when they're mad, when they're disappointed, which is all the time. Please, call me Bella. I think I killed Isabella when I tried to kill myself." she then coughs, trying to get the hoarseness out of her voice as I smile widely, nodding my head. This wasn't a baby step, this was a giant leap, and I'm so proud!

I can't keep the smile off my face, "Well, Bella, is there a reason you were waiting outside my office?"

She sits quietly for a couple of minutes, a silent war going on inside her head as her emotions change so much, I don't know if it's healthy. "You're...the only one I can trust." she finally whispers and I tilt my head, my heart warming at the sound, but I also want to know _why_ she trusts me. "You haven't given up on me. Everyone gives up on me."

I smile, "I will never give up on you, Bella.

She shakes her head, still looking at me. "Why?"

"Because you're worth it."

"Really." she says, skeptical and I nod my head, projecting some of my conviction to her.

"Yes. You're worth everything, Bella. You don't how special you really are." I tell her, Bella frowning before she opens her mouth, closing it. She repeats this a couple of times, me waiting patiently for her. Don't influence her emotions, let her come to you.

"Do you want to talk about last night?" I hesitantly ask and she bites her lip, nodding her head. "We can talk about whatever you want."

"I wasn't...I wasn't exactly close with Lilli...we weren't best friends or anything, I guess...she was nice to me...but...but I...I..." she's struggling to put the words together, because she's confused with what she's feeling.

"But her death stirred some foreign emotions." she nods her head and I stay still, gauging Bella's reaction. "What are you feeling, Bella?" Isn't that ironic. An empath asking someone what they're feeling, but I'm curious if she'll be truthful.

Bella frowns, "I feel...bad. I...I think I'm sad, too. I didn't want Lilli to die...I never talked to her, but she always nice to me...and now I think, maybe if I did talk to her...maybe she wouldn't have killed herself. I-I guess I feel...guilty." she's telling the truth, she's feeling all of those, as well as frustration with not understanding what she's feeling.

"You can't hold the guilt for her suicide on your shoulders, because it's not your fault. If someone would have talked to you, tried to be friends with you before you tried to commit suicide, would you have changed your path? Would you have thought twice about slitting your wrists? Was there someone like that?"

"Angela." she whispers and I wait patiently for her to explain, "She uhm...Angela and Ben. They were in my grade in school. She's the preachers daughter...really, really nice. Her and Ben I always thought were a really cute couple. You know, the whole brainiac, quiet kid and the shy, intellectual girl. All that cliché bullshit, bu they were really sweet. Like, I knew they were going to go the distance. Get married, pop out a couple of rugrats, and then live in Forks for the rest of their lives raising their kids and grandkids. Anyway, they would try to engage conversation with me, and I felt bad about ignoring them, but I didn't want friends...I don't deserve them." she whispers the last part so quietly, I know she didn't mean for me to hear.

"If Angela or Ben talked to you the day you tried to kill yourself, would you have though twice?"

She frowns, "They did...I didn't."

"You're not a guilty party, Bella. And the sadness is understandable, because even if you didn't consider her a friend, it's still sad that she died. Death is a sad thing and it affects everyone around us, no matter what your relationship was with her. It's perfectly normal. Okay?"

Bella nods her head, sniffing and biting her bottom lip again. "Is there anything else you want to talk about, Bella?"

Bella opens her mouth a couple of times to say something, but then closes it each time. "Yes? Bella you can ask me _anything."_

She shakes her head, "You're going to laugh at this question."

"I promise I won't."

Bella sighs, "Why does a rope connect us?" she asks and I frown, not understanding what she means. She sighs and then stands up and walks over to me. I turn in my chair towards her as she stands before me for a couple of minutes, emotions swirling before her as her face changes expressions a couple of times. She slowly reaches out her hand and moves it towards me. I stay still watching her as she continually looks at my face, gauging my reaction. "There's a rope...well, it's more like a rubber band, I suppose. It connects us here," she says, gently tapping the middle my chest, "to here. It hurts when I'm not in a distinct distance of you. It hurts on the weekends when you're gone. It pulls me close whenever I walk to these sessions. Does it hurt you?" she says touching her own chest, right over where her heart steadily beats.

I can't believe it. She's feeling the mating pull, the thing that causes me pain every single time I'm away from her. I can't believe that she's feeling it as a human, but I don't have time to dwell on that, because the feel of her tiny hands on me, even through my shirt, is so stimulating, that my voice is husky with my next words, "I'm not sure, Bella."

"You're lying." she says immediately and I raise my eyebrows, "You're different, Dr. Hale. People think I'm stupid because I don't talk, but I observe and I listen. You're different from the rest of us, but I like it. That's why I can trust you."

"So, you're going to talk to me from now on?" I ask and she looks up to me, nodding her head. "I'm glad. I like hearing your voice, Bella. And you are right, I am different. I'll tell you one day-"

"No. Don't tell me." she says as she walks back over to the leather chair and sits down. I tilt my head, confused.

"Why not?"

"There's not much to do in here. I want to figure it out on my own." she shifts her arms and the sweater falls off her right shoulder, giving me a peek of her slender neck. "I _will_ figure it out on my own."

I swallow the venom in my mouth, and smile at my Mate, "No doubt in my mind, Bella. I also have a question for you."

She frowns, but nods her head, "My mother and sister would like to come visit you."

Hurt and embarrassment hits me like a punch in the face as Bella shifts uncomfortably in her seat, "What am I, a circus attraction?"

I widen my eyes, shaking my head. "No! God, no, Bella. I didn't mean it like that. I _wanted _them to meet you. They _want _to meet you."

Bella frowns, not believing this. "Why?"

I smile at Bella, "Because, they know how special you are. They want to be friends with you."

"I don't deserve fr-" she starts, but I cut her off.

"Stop right there, Bella." I snap and she widens her eyes, "You deserve friends. You deserve the world, Bella. You are special, and I hope one day you get it through your thick, stubborn skull that you are deserving, and that you are worth it."

I came across as sharp in my tone, I know that, but I can see that it helped. Bella gets a small smile on her face, ducking her head. "Thank you." she whispers, barely audible.

"You are worth it, Bella. If nobody else thinks you are, know that I do."

* * *

**Bella Swan POV**

I feel weightless almost, now that I actually talked to Dr. Hale. I know that I can trust him, so I talked to him about what is going on inside my fucked up head.

I'm sitting in the rec room, reading when I hear the door open. I don't pay mind to it as I keep my nose buried in _We Need to Talk About Kevin._ We're not exactly "allowed" to have books in here regarding violence or kids who are mentally ill who cause violence, but Danielle snuck this in for me from her library. I just keep the cover hidden, and no one realizes. No one really pays any attention to me anyway, not that I really care. I prefer to be alone.

I hear multiple footsteps walk over to me and I frown, trying to sink into the old couch. I don't what I did that people are coming over to me.

"Bella?" Dr. Hale says and I look up from my book, seeing two of the most beautiful women I've ever seen standing next to him. The taller one is blonde and statuesque, with a body Victoria's Secret model's would be jealous of, which is adorned in very expensive looking clothes. Her long, silky blonde hair is pulled back halfway and tumbles down her body in curls. Her features are perfect, and I can't see a flaw.

The next woman has a motherly feel to her look. She has caramel colored hair that's styled in curls, and a kind face. Undeniable beautiful, just like the blonde. She's more curvier than the blonde, and dressed in a casual, lilac colored dress. Her smile is the kind that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, as cheesy as that sounds.

Two of the most beautiful women are standing in front of me, and I feel my self-esteem taking a major blow as I duck my head and tug on my sleeves, not wanting to give these beautiful women any ammo to criticize me. That's all pretty people do to girls like me.

"Bella, this is my mother, Esme, and my twin sister, Rosalie." Dr. Hale says and I peek up through my hair, seeing both women smile at me. I feel a little weird having these beauties smiling at me like I'm on the same level as them.

"Hello, Bella." Esme says with a warm voice and I nod my head.

"Hi, Bella. You can call me Rose." the blonde beauty queen says and I nod my head again, not exactly knowing what to say. I feel like I'd probably just say something stupid if I open my mouth, anyway. I don't exactly feel compelled to talk to anyone at the moment besides Dr. Hale.

"Well, I have group in a couple of minutes, so I'll leave you to get acquainted." Dr. Hale says, giving me a bright smile, before he walks down the hall. Esme and Rose take a seat on the couch across from me and I close my book, putting it on the cushion next to me, knowing that this is going to be awkward, well, at least on my part.

"So, Bella, Jasper told us that you like to read." Esme says and I look up at her, nodding my head. "Well, I brought you a couple of my favorites." She pulls two books out of her purse and holds them out to me. I look up to her face and see that she has a warm smile on, and I reach out my hands, taking the books. I glance at the titles and see that she brought me _The Great Gatsby _and _Mansfield Park._ I raise my eyebrows in surprise that someone I don't know would let me borrow two books.

"You're welcome, Dear." Esme says and I give her a small smile, grateful that they don't expect me to talk to them. Rose then smiles and turns to me and asks me mostly yes or no questions which I can respond with shaking my head or nodding. They both understand, and they both seem genuine. Rosalie and Esme even make me chuckle a couple of times with their stories of Rose's husband, Emmett, and his antics.

Esme said that her and her husband, Carlisle adopted Dr. Hale, Rosalie, and Emmett along with two others named Alice and Edward, who are also married. I find it a little odd, because Esme looks like she's in her mid-twenties, and she adopted Dr. Hale, who's probably twenty-two or twenty-three. Maybe looks are deceiving me and Esme is older than she actually is. Speaking of looks, why do they all look similar, yet different. Their skin is extremely pale, almost chalky. When Esme handed me the books, our hands brushed and they were cold, like ice. Like Dr. Hale's. I've also noticed that Esme and Rosalie have the same golden eyes as Dr. Hale. I can understand Rose and Dr. Hale having the same eyes since they're twins, but Esme too? Golden eyes are not exactly common, so it's a weird coincidence.

Or is it?

After Rose and Esme leave, I have tutoring with Danielle, so I have Sarah escort me back to my room so I can put my books down and grab my homework. I then walk into the "classroom" where Danielle is waiting for me, "Hello, Isabella."

I give her a small smile and take my seat, her handing me back my geometry test. "Ninety-eight. You did awesome, Isabella." she says and I smile, taking the test from her hands and slipping it into my folder. We start with math, which doesn't take long and is easy because we're starting Algebra II, since I would be a junior soon. We then move onto Language Arts.

"I'm going to give you a paper with some different titles of books, and I want you to choose one and write a report on it. I'll bring the book you choose tomorrow." Danielle says, handing me a paper with different books on it. Most of them, I've already read, and I want something different. There's not much to do while living in "The Nuthouse," so I try to work diligently on my school work. I scan the titles - Oliver Twist, Jane Eyre, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, A Raisin in the Sun, Of Mice and Men, until I get to one that captures my eyes for some reason.

Dracula.

I point to that one and Danielle smiles, nodding her head. "Dracula? Alright, I actually own a copy so I won't have to go to the library. Well, our time is up, Isabella." she says and I help pack up my books and papers, before she smiles, laying a hand on my shoulder.

"I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" she says and I nod my head, giving her a wave as Sarah appears at the door to escort me back to my room. I'm not understanding why I picked Dracula. I've never read it before, it never really caught my interest, but something told me to pick that book to read. Shrugging, I walk into my room, since I have some downtime before dinner. I pick up The Great Gatsby which Esme left me and open to the part I left off, leaving Vilette and getting lost in the roaring twenties.

* * *

**Jasper Whitlock POV**

I'm very pleased with how the visit went. Esme and Rose said that Bella was smiling and even laughing when they would talk about Emmett and his crazy adventures. I like that my mother and sister both like Bella already. Esme is taken with how shy and quiet Bella is and says that she's lovely. Rose says that she wants to help Bella come out of her shell. It will probably take a while, but Rose really wants to help. I know that Rose has always been jealous of any humans, simply because of their humanity, but I think since Bella has had such a lacking childhood, and her parents are neglectful, she wants to have a bond with Bella. I've always been closer with Rosalie, I guess because we've pretended to be twins for so long. I'm happy that she likes Bella.

A knock on the door breaks me out of my thoughts and I look up, seeing Bella walk into the office, small smile on her face. "Hello, Bella." I greet as she walks into the room, small smile on her face.

"Hi, Dr. Hale." she says in a tiny voice and I smile, leaning forward on my desk.

"Bella, you can call me Jasper. I would actually very much prefer you calling me that." she nods her head and sits down, pulling the sleeves of her long sleeve thermal down, a habit I notice. I take out my pen and write down the habit, just to store it for future reference. To notice any patterns. I'm reaching for the stars, trying to find a reason behind Bella's cutting. Anything.

"You have the wheel. What do you want to talk about?" I ask, Bella nibbling on her bottom lip as she feel apprehensive. "Yes?"

She bites her bottom lip, before answering, "...books."

I raise my eyebrows and smile, a woman after my own heart. "Books? Okay, we can talk about books. What's your genre of choice?"

She scrunches up her nose, "I don't like to stick to a genre. I usually branch out pretty far. I'm pretty eclectic in my tastes...but I like the books that Esme brought me. I already made it through The Great Gatsby last night. I couldn't put it down, and I started Mansfield Park this morning. Could you tell her...tell her I said thank you? Could you tell Rose I said thank you, too. I...I really like your mother and sister."

The smile doesn't leave my face as I silently vow to buy Esme anything she wants. "Of course. I'm really glad, because they like you too. Now, about these books, do you have any favorites?"

She nods, her eyes showing a spark. "I read _Frankenstein_ earlier this year. I really liked it. _The Catcher in the Rye_ was pretty good. I also read_ Go Ask Alice_ when I was thirteen, that's one of my favorites. I'm reading _We Need To Talk About Kevin_. Well, I'm reading it again. I think it's my third time. Have you ever read that?" she asks, a little excitement trickling through.

I shake my head, "No, I haven't. Can you tell me what it about?"

She looks a little hesitant to answer this, but I give her a reassuring smile, "You can't tell anyone I'm reading it."

"Why not?" I ask, tilting my head.

"You'll see when I explain it. Well, it's in the form of letters from the narrator, Eva, to her husband. It's after her son, Kevin, shot his classmates with a bow and arrow his dad got him. Kevin is a sociopath, he even blinded his own little sister with drain cleaner. It starts from when he's a toddler, and his odd behavior and continues to when he's my age. He keeps up this façade of being a good child to his dad, who always takes his side when Eva knows that he's really, well, bad. It's basically the downfall of their marriage, and Kevin believes that if they divorce, that he'll become the bad guy in his dad's eyes and his mom will be free of him. In turn, he then kills some of his classmates. He also kills his dad and little sister." she glances up to me and I give her a small smile. "Part of his behavior, I believe, is his mother's fault. She never wanted Kevin, and she took the blame out on him for her unhappiness when he was younger. She even broke his arm when she got frustrated. At the end, Kevin's mother is visiting him in prison and he's nervous because he's about being transferred to an adult prison. He says at first that he shot his classmates because he was just giving the public what they wanted in a scandal that will entertain them, but in the end she asks him why he did what he did, and he says that he used to know, but doesn't anymore. I really like that character development, because Kevin killed those kids to punish his mom, so that she'll hate him, but will have to live with what he did and everyone hating _her_ for what _he_ did. Eva then realizes that she really, truly does love her son, unconditionally, which backfired on him, because he wasn't expecting her to stick by him. That's just my theory, but there are others..." she looks up at me and I keep a straight face. She then nervously looks at her hands in her lap, "It's a really dark story, but I like reading dark stuff like that. I gravitate towards the dark and unusual." she then laughs, bitterly. "You know, I always heard from my parents and teachers that if I read stuff like that, or watched movies with violence in it, or read news articles revolving around school shootings where the abused victims take their revenge on their bullies by killing them...you know, Columbine, Springfield, Red Lake...that kind of shit...I always heard if I read about that stuff, that I'll want to go up to Forks High and shoot up my classmates like Jessica or Lauren for bullying _me._ But, I've never felt the need to harm others...I've only felt the need to harm myself. I don't really blame them for bullying me, because I'm different. I'm the anomaly in their sea of norm. But, I think I like it that way. They weren't the reason I tried to..." she trails off, looking down as her hair covers her face.

I'm intrigued by this, causing me to lean forward and ask softly, "What _was_ the reason, Bella?"

She looks up at me and smiles, "'I used to think I knew. Now I'm not so sure.'"

* * *

**The title of this chapter is inspired by the amazing novel,_ "We Need to Talk About Kevin" _by Lionel Shriver.**

**"I used to think I knew. Now I'm not so sure." is a direct quote from the novel. If you haven't read it, read it and if you haven't seen the move, see the movie. It's amazing. For you fangirls, Ezra Miller is in it. Did you hear that? That was the sound of fangirls panties dropping at the mention of Ezra Miller. Anway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter...**

**- Wonderland xo Writing -**


	7. Worthless, Hopeless, Sick

**Chapter 7**

**Worthless, Hopeless, Sick**

_"I used to think I knew. Now I'm not so sure."_

Bella's words from that book swirl around in my head.I know she was just trying to hedge, because she didn't want to talk about it and I think I might have finally figured out the reason behind Bella cutting. I was hit with it last night while going over Bella's notes. One thing that always stands out in her emotions, is her guilt, her parents attitude towards her, her selflessness - she feels like she's the problem, and tried to get rid of herself so that her parents wouldn't fight anymore. I hate myself for what I'm going to do, because I'm going to hurt her, but I need to hurt her, so that I can help her.

When a Mated vampire hurts their Mate, physically or emotionally, it hurts them tenfold. We're not made to hurt out Mate, we're made to love them, to protect them from the hurt, and comfort them from the hurt. I will have to do this, however. Basically, I'm going to knock my baby down, so I can help her get back up. Fuck, this is going to be hard.

A knock on the door pulls me from my thoughts and I look up, seeing my beautiful girl walk into my office. "Hi, Jasper." Bella timidly says as she walks in my office, long sleeve black sweater on, along with a pair of faded jeans, and her black chucks with two books in her hands.

I smile widely at her, "Hello, Bella. Esme told me to bring you these, she says she'll visit with Rose again on Friday if that's all right with you." I say, gesturing to the books on my desk and I notice her face brightens up and she grins. I then pick up the one on top of the pile, "I picked this one from my own library at home. It's about the Civil War, I think you'll like it."

Her grin widens, "Thank you. Can you give her these back? Tell her I said thank you and that I enjoyed them? I'm looking forward to her and Rose visiting again."

"Of course." I say as I take the books from her, putting them on my desk. I then fold my hands in front of me, "I would like to talk about your parents today."

She frowns, plopping in the chair and hugging a knee to her chest, playing with the shoelace on her sneaker, "What about them?"

"I would like to talk about everything, but can you tell me what your relationship with your parents is like, Bella?" I tilt my head, keeping my senses open so I can study her emotions.

Contempt, annoyance, sadness, frustration, longing, "Nonexistent. Unless they're yelling at me, or about me. That was the only time they really paid any attention."

"What about holidays? Did you spend it with your extended family?"

"I don't have any extended family. Holidays were spent at La Push with my dad's best friend, Billy. His son Jake and his friends were all assholes, and liked to make fun of me. I usually feigned sick so I didn't have to go." she tells me and I frown. La Push. Carlisle said that the last time they were in Forks was back in the forties. They made a treaty with the Quilete wolves who were from La Push. That means that Jake and his friends are probably descendants of the wolves. Those little shitheads had the audacity to pick on Bella? The thought has me growling lowly, before I reign it in and look at_ my _Bella.

"Did your parents fight a lot?" I ask and she nods her head.

Disgust, embarrassment, frustration, "They were either fighting or fucking. Or both at the same time."

Well, that's a wonderful enviroment for a child to grow up in. They're really doing good in the parent's department. I have to restrain myself to my seat so I don't toss my desk through the wall in anger that my Mate grew up like that. "Did you use to hear them fight?"

"I tried not to, I would hide in my closet and cover my ears while humming to myself. I put my headphones in and listened to music. Anything because after the fighting comes the angry make up fucking where they seem to forget I'm in hearing distance. I'm in the next god damn room..." she mutters bitterly as more disgust rolls off her.

"How long have they fought?"

She frowns, thinking for a while I sit back, patiently. "I remember them always arguing. I think it got real bad when I was eleven or twelve."

"Right around the time you started cutting." I gently say, Bella squirms uncomfortably in her seat. "I'm not judging you, Bella. I'll never judge you for anything, I'm just making an observation. Why did you start cutting?"

She shrugs, "Why does Regan throw up her food? Why does Tara decorate her arms with razors? Why did Lilli get into fights with the orderlies? Release, gratification, pleasure, a high? I don't know, take your pick. I don't know why I did it."

"I think you do know, Bella. And I think I know."

"You don't know anything." she mutters, not meaning for me to hear, but I do. Taking a deep breath, I clasp my hands and lean forward on my desk.

"I think you feel guilty-"

"That's bullshit." she starts angrily, but I continue, finally finding her weak point as I continue to pick at it.

"For your parents fighting about you-"

She clenches her jaw and hisses through her teeth, "Shut. Up. _Just _shut up."

"You're not the guilty party though-"

"No!" her voice breaks mid-yell, and I keep picking, knowing that I'm almost there. My heart is clenching with the hurt I'm feeling, my instincts telling me to knock it the fuck off, but I shove them to the side, knowing that this is for the best.

"You hurt yourself because you carried guilt for them fighting."

"Fuck you, Jasper, you don't know anything!" she yells, and I clench my fists, hating myself right now.

"You think it's all your fault, Bella. You believe yourself the catalyst to their fighting and you wanted to kill yourself so they would stop, at the price of your own life. You would sacrifice yourself, just so that they would be happy. You are that selfless, but you did an extremely selfish thing."

"Please." she whispers, her annoyance disappearing as all she feels is misery. Plain old misery as her eyes fill with tears.

"It's their fault, Bella. Not yours." By now, her face is scrunched up into what I can only describe as agony as her sadness hits me like a punch in the gut.

"I...I-I..." she trails off, full tears rolling down her cheeks as she looks stunned. I don't even resist the urge as I walk over to her, taking my Mate in my arms and letting her sob into my shoulder. I can't help the feeling of, what I can only describe as, rightness. Her tiny body fits into my arms perfectly, she was made for me. I shove my mating feelings aside however, so I can heal her first.

"They're so m-mad and dis-disappointed. I didn't do anything wro...wrong..." she sobs out and I hug her tighter, my Mate's pain killing me. Bella's strong defensive shell is crumbling down around us, I've finally found the hollow point and kept attacking it. I feel bad that I had to destroy her tough shell, but I need to help her re-build it. I'll help her build it better, bigger, and more resilient. My Bella is strong and I'm so proud of her that she's letting me in. I'm so fucking proud of her.

"Shh...no, you didn't do anything, Bella. To tell you the truth, your parents are bad people. They're selfish and ignorant to the amazing daughter they've been blessed with. But you know what?" I ask and she shakes her head, "You do have people who care about you. Esme and Rosalie care about you. Edward, Alice, and Carlisle all care about you, too. They haven't even met you, but they know how special you are. What about me? I care about you...more than anything in the world." I whisper the last part and she clings to me tighter, her happiness wraps me in like warm blanket, spreading from my heart throughout my entire body.

"I feel like I've lost."

I shake my head, pulling back to look at her face, her brown eyes wide and teary. I use my thumbs to brush away some of the tears falling down her cheeks, "What do you mean, Bella?"

She shrugs, "By breaking down. I feel like I've lost. I haven't cried in so long. I feel like I'm losing a game...or myself. I...I don't know. I just feel so fucking pathetic for crying. For having a little 'breakthrough.'"

"No, no you haven't lost and you are not pathetic. This is a victory. We're going to have nothing but victories from now on."

"Even if I get better, Jasper. I can't go back to living with _them_. I can't go back there...I don't what to do. If I get better, I just go back to prison and at least here, I'm away from them. If I stay here, I'm gonna go crazy." she says miserable and I chance it, and place a kiss on her temple.

"You will always have a place with me, Darlin'. Don't you worry your beautiful little head about that." I tilt her chin up to look at me and her bottom lip still quivers as a smile tugs at the corners. I then start thinking, a plan forming in my head. Those pieces of shit do not deserve to live, so they mustn't. Simple as that, but, why let good blood go to waste? I know some people who would enjoy it. My maniacal side grins a this and rubs his hands together in glee as I think I need to call in a favor to a few friends.

"Thank you, Jasper." she whispers and I smile, placing another kiss on her head, which I notice makes her blush. My grin only widens as she lays her head on my shoulder, taking deep breaths and calming down.

After Bella leaves, I reach into my pocket and take out my cellphone, "Hello, Major. How's our Little Bit doing? Talking up a storm, huh?" Peter's voice flows through the phone as I frown.

"Little Bit? What is your dumbass talking about?" I question, not knowing what Peter's dumbass is saying. Half the time I don't understand what comes out of his mouth, Char usually translates the stupid into words I can comprehend.

"Your mate, Bella. Duh. Char and I call her Little Bit, because I 'know' that she's a cute little thing, ain't she?"

I shake my head and chuckle, "I should have known you would know about her, Yoda."

"_Anyway_, I knew that you would be calling in a favor. Care to explain?" I can practically hear the smirk on his face and I roll my eyes.

"What would you say about making a trip to a little town in Washington called Forks?" I ask, my answer being Peter's chuckle.

"I would say the City of Forks has already welcomed the Mrs. and I. We just arrived, fucker. Now, tell me what's up."

I'm a little apprehensive to ask this, but I know he would do it for me. "This is risky, but I need you to take care of the Police Chief and his wife."

I hear an exasperated sigh from Peter, "Shit...you want us to go after the fucking _Police Chief? _What the fuck do you have against the police chief in this podunk town."

"He's the father of my Mate who he deems as a _mistake_." I growl out the last word, hearing two growls in return. A mistake? My Bella? What an absurd thing to say. The only thing that he and his wife were good for was bringing the most beautiful woman into this world, my Bella.

"_He called her __**what**__?!" _I hear Char's enraged snarl through the phone and I sigh, running a hand through my hair. Char's protective mama bear instincts are gonna go nuts. "I'll fucking kill him. Don't worry, Major. We got this covered. That no good son of a bitch..."

I hear her ranting in the background as she hands the phone to Peter, "_Well_, you have effectively pissed off my Mate and it looks like we got ourselves a meal. Don't worry, we'll make it look like an accident. You know, house burning down by electrical outlet or some shit like that." Peter tells me and I smile, knowing I could trust these two.

"Very good. Thank you."

"Eh, anything for Little Bit. Can't wait to meet her." Peter says before hanging up. I develop a smile on my face as I realize the root of my Bella's problems will be eliminated tonight and Peter and Charlotte will get a good meal out of it. It's a win-win situation. I close my eyes and smile, happy that my Bella will be free of her parents chains.

* * *

**The title of this chapter is inspired by the song _"I'm So Sick"_ by Flyleaf**

**Well, Bella's parents are dead in the water, compliments of a Peter and Charlotte Whitlock.**** You're welcome. ****Bella had a breakthrough! Now, she's on the road to recovery. Thanks for reading...**

**- Wonderland xo Writing -**


	8. Something In The Way

**Chapter 8**

**Something In The Way**

**Bella Swan POV**

In January, the police came to the hospital and informed me that my house burned down with my parent inside. They died, and nothing was able to be recovered from the house. When the officers left, a smile graced my lips as a pressure was pulled from my chest. I considered feeling bad about being happy that they're dead, but deep down I knew that I shouldn't. They really didn't care about me as long as I lived. If I committed suicide, how would they keep face in Forks? That was the _only _reason that they called 911 when I tried to kill myself. They don't love me, so why should I care about them being dead?

Apparently, I inherited some life insurance and money from my dad's job which will help pay for my treatment here. They told me that a lawyer was hired for me to take care of everything, so I don't have to worry about that. The money has been put into a bank account that I'll receive the information to when I get out of here. Charles and Renee Swan, _Loving parents, _were buried next to each other, and I wasn't able to attend the funeral. Not that I particularly minded. The police told me they couldn't salvage any pictures from the house. I don't give a shit, they were all of Charlie and Renee, I wasn't in any of them. I didn't really have anything I wanted at the house besides my books, but they can be replaced. They were all bought secondhand anyway.

I'm free of my shackles that my parents gave me the day I was born. I'm free.

I got an "A" on my Dracula paper, and I did enjoy the book. I don't know why I was interested in writing a paper about a vampire, I've never really been into that kind of stuff before. It fits into my usual book choices, though, but I've never been into the whole _"blood-drinking, demon of the night" _stuff. It was a pretty good book, and I actually was so interested, I had Danielle bring some information on Vlad the Impaler for me. Pretty gory stuff, but what the hospital doesn't know, won't hurt them.

I feel more lighthearted as each day passes, I smile a lot more and I talk a lot more in therapy with Jasper, though I still don't talk in front of the others in my group. I do talk to Rose and Esme when they come to visit. It's not much, but they don't expect much from me, they take me as I am. Something only one other person has done before in my life, and that's Jasper. Sometimes, Rose will tell me about her husband, Emmett, who sounds so really funny, or she'll just talk about herself. I've learned that she's a mechanic, which I admit, I was a little skeptical about. Look at her, she's a beauty queen! I think it's really cool that she knows all about cars and stuff. She said that when I get out of here, she'll teach me all about cars, and I find myself excited for that day. She's the big sister I never had.

Esme has become the mother I've always desired. The mother I've always wished for, but knew that Renée could never be. She radiates warmth and love when she's around me, and I can't help but feel wanted and important. She even visited with Carlisle one day when Rose couldn't come, and was he a surprise when he walked in. He's movie star handsome! He reminded me of one of those attractive doctors you see on _General Hospital _or something like that. Seriously, he easily gives Brad Pitt a run for his money. I'm convinced that he and Esme are the perfect couple. Carlisle is extremely kind and welcoming, he's also soft-spoken and he doesn't expect me to talk. I was a little wary during his first visit, but warmed up to him quickly. It's easy to talk to Carlisle. It's weird how I've gone from my parents hating me, to having these wonderful people visit me, and they actually care about me. One thing I've noticed about Carlisle - golden eyes. Just like his wife, and his "kids." He's also extremely pale and cold as well. I don't exactly know what, but I know that they're different...and I guess I like that about them.

We've left winter behind as spring rolls around, not there's much change in the weather. It'll always be rainy in cold in Seattle, but it's the weather I like. I'm sitting by the window in the rec room as Regan, Kimberly and Tara watch television, while I read a book that Esme brought me. Today, we're getting a new addition to our group today, another bulimic named Demi who's eighteen, and she's due to arrive today. We'll meet her in group therapy in an hour.

"What do you think the new girl is like?" Regan asks from the couch.

"Don't know, don't care." Tara says, eyes still focused on the television, where Jerry Springer is playing. Regan then looks over to me while I keep my nose in my book.

"Hey, mute," she says, apparently a new pet name for me. "What do you think the new girl is like?" she asks and I look up to Regan, seeing that she's genuinely interested in my opinion. I just shrug and look back to my book, seeing Regan give me a small smile out of the corner of my eye at my nonverbal response.

Sometimes, group therapy makes me want to claw my eyes out with how boring it is.

"Well, Demi, would you like to introduce yourself?" Brittany, our new group therapist asks the new girl. I glance over and study her, seeing that she's tan, almost orange with bleached blonde hair with dark roots. Her cheeks are taut and her arms and legs are extremely thin, thinner than Regan's. She's wearing super, skinny jeans, a pair of gold ballet flats, and a tight pink tank top, despite it being freezing cold outside.

"I'm Demi Sanders, I'm eighteen. I'm from Portland, Oregon, and I have an eating disorder." she replies in a monotone voice, with a slight "valley" accent to it.

"Welcome to Vilette, Demi-"

Brittany is cut off by Tara's laugh, "Geez, Brittany, why do you act like it's some sort of vacation. It's a mental hospital, and you're saying 'Welcome'."

"Now, Tara, this is not a _mental hospital_, it's a _psychiatric facility_."

"Big fucking difference. We're crazy and we were sent here because we have issues." Kimberly says, glancing over her shoulder for trench coat man, who she swears to see following her throughout the hospital.

"Why are you here?" Demi asks, curiously and Kimberly shrugs.

"I'm a schizo." she says and then turns to Tara, "She cuts herself for decoration," Tara just smiles and shrugs. "Regan over there is the same as you with her eating issues." Regan just rolls her eyes, and then Kimberly turns to me. "...and Isabella is a cutter, too, but she doesn't talk."

I guess I should be mad for Kimberly telling her my "issue" but everything about that statement was true, and there was no malicious intent with her words, she was stating a fact.

"There used to be two other girls in this group, Gab and Lilli, but Gab was sent to jail when she failed her drug test and Isabella here found Lilli hanging in the laundry room." Tara tells Demi who gasps and looks over to me. I glance out the window by my chair, feeling Demi's eyes on me. I narrow my eyes out the window as if I'm trying to see something, hoping she'll take the hint to leave me alone.

"Isabella?" Brittany asks me and I recross my arms, not even looking over as I shake my head, "You don't have anything you'd like to say? About Lilli?" I shake my head again and she sighs.

Tara turns to Demi and smirks, "So, Demi. Welcome to Vilette."

After dinner, I'm feeling really tired so I decide to go to sleep early. I quickly change into a long sleeve shirt and shorts, since it gets hot at night and crawl into my bed, falling asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.

"Bella..." my name falls from Jasper's lips like a prayer, the southern accent he's tried so hard to will away is slipping out, causing me to smile. I want him. Jasper brings his cold hand up to my cheek, cupping them so delicately, before they run down my body, caressing me through my cotton dress. Then suddenly, Jasper's grip gets too tight, and then it's just painful. I cry out in pain, but Jasper doesn't relent. He keeps grabbing me even tighter and I try to tell him to stop, but nothing comes out. Why is he hurting me? What is he doing? His face looks blank and I frown, trying to call out his name.

Then I realized, those are not Jasper's hands touching me. These are not hands I want on me. I snap open my eyes from my sleep and instead of looking into a pair of beautiful golden eyes, I'm looking into a pair of stormy grey eyes, that I don't want to look into. I open my mouth to call out for help, but a large hand covers my mouth with a bruising grip. No!

"Oh, sweet little Isabella wants to talk now. Too bad I can't make you scream. Don't want to wake up everyone else with our good time..." he says as he yanks my cotton shorts down and I try anything to push him off, but he's too strong. He then looks down at my legs, illuminated by the moonlight pouring through my window. "Fucking sick. Scars on your legs and shit. Your lucky that I even want some..." He then rips my panties off and I hit him, kick him, bite him, anything to get him off, but he's too strong. Too strong. And I'm weak. Too weak. Too weak.

No! I don't want this!

He then rips my shirt off and roughly grabs my breasts as I try to push him off. I pull my fist back and manage to crack him in the face once, before he slaps me across my left cheek, and grabs my wrists, putting them above my head and holding them there.

I find myself sinking back into Wonderland, not wanting to be here. In Wonderland, Jasper is waiting for me. He holds out his hand and I reach out, taking it. I smile at him as he pulls me into his arms, placing a gentle kiss on my lips, a big burst of love surrounds me in a warm blanket as Jasper pulls me into him embrace.

Before, I never put much thought into losing my virginity or sex or relationships. I always thought that I mutilated my body too much for any guy to even stand to look at me. I feel ugly whenever I shower or change my clothes, which is why I stick to long sleeves. I will admit that I have thought about having sex with Jasper. He doesn't seem like he would be disgusted with my body. Even though he is my shrink, I can't deny the pull that I feel, the butterflies in my gut that travel to my core, and the...love I feel when I'm around him. Love seems so alien to me, so...I'm doing my best to assume that's what I'm feeling.

I feel myself yanked from Wonderland as I come back to my normal self, sore and dirty. I don't think I've ever been so disgusted as I see Slimeball Steve get off and then feel, actually feel, him pull out of me, taking the condom off his dick with a smug smirk painted on his face. He pulls up his pants, and leers at my exposed body once more before walking to the door, "I hope it was as good for you as it was for me, Cupcake. See you soon." he winks and blows me a kiss, before closing my door as I lay in the same position for the next hour, not able to move.

My first time was not supposed to be like that, it...it was supposed to be with Jasper! I wanted it to be with Jasper, and he took it away from me. He...he took it away! I shift my legs, a gasp escapes my lips that turns into a hiss when I feel how sore I am. I'm shaking all over as traitorous tears are falling from the corners of my eyes and into my hair.

Why would he do this to me? What did I do to deserve this? The tears keep falling as I mentally ask those questions to whatever deity is watching over us. Why? Why me? What prompted him to target me? What the fuck did I do to deserve any of this? Does God just like to pick on me? _Let's see how much Bella can take before she cracks..._

I move to sit up and look down at myself, seeing that I'm bleeding. He tore me open. I stand up and wince as I walk over to my dresser, pulling out a pair of sweatpants. I pull them up, biting my lip to keep me from crying out in pain. I then grab a t shirt and pull it over my head before walking back over to my bed and laying down, trying to forget about the ache between my legs. Yeah, right. Like I'll ever forget this.

What do I do now? Do I tell someone? Who would believe me, anyway? Who the hell would believe a crazy person over an orderly? I have no way to really prove it...I don't want to do a rape kit. My breath gets short just thinking about some doctor doing that. Being down there where he was. I realize that I'm shivering, but I'm not cold.

I'm not "pure" anymore. Impure. Tainted. Used. Dirty. Gross. Nasty.

I don't know how long I lay there, until I see the room lightening up from the morning and then I hear the knock on my door, which is Sarah waking us up. I decided to get to the showers before everyone else, needing to clean myself up. I grab clothes for today and my shower caddy before I make my way towards the bathroom with Sarah accompanying me, biting my lip the whole way as I feel how sore I am when I walk.

I quickly take off my clothes in the bathroom and shower, scrubbing myself furiously to get his dirty hands off me. No, I'm the dirty one. I see the blood flowing down my legs and down the drain, making me grimace and feel sick to my stomach. Blood used to be such a comfort to me, not this blood. He tore me open. He _tore_ me open.

I finish showering and dry off, throwing my clothes on before walking back to my room, painfully. I don't even bother brushing out my hair, I just let it air dry. I don't want to leave this room, I just want to crawl under my covers, never to come out. If I'm being honest with myself, I would rather be in Jasper's embrace on the bed, but he wouldn't even want me now if he knew. Who would want me now? He said I was lucky that he wanted some. He said I was sick because of my scars. Jasper wouldn't want me now.

I'm impure.

I walk to the cafeteria with Kimberly, who is allowed to escort me now since I've moved to a Class B, but I still have to walk to my therapy sessions with..._him_. I grab breakfast and sit down at the table, not even bothering eating. I don't think I have the stomach for it. I pick at my food, trying to not relive what happened hours ago. I feel myself shaking at the thought of it and I keep my head down, not wanting to see anybody. I close my eyes and try to block out the noise.

I'm sitting on my bed, straight as a board - the only way I can with the pain - as my door opens and there's the last person I would ever want to see, smiling victoriously at me. I can see a light bruise on his right cheek from when I punched him last night. My wounds aren't visible.

"_Come_, Isabella. It's time for your therapy with Dr. Hale." Slimeball Steve "purrs" not even bothering hiding his laugh with the shameful innuendo. I stand up and follow that skeezy bastard down the hallway, only because I'm walking towards the one person I want to see - Jasper.

* * *

**The title of this chapter is inspired by the song _"Something In The Way"_ by Nirvana**

**I know it sucks that he did that, but life isn't fair, especially not to Bella Swan. Sometimes life has to get worse before it gets better and this will be a big kick in the right direction and will set off her getting better. This will also bring Rose and Bella closer together since Rose understands. She's going to be getting out of the hospital soon.**

**Oh, some of you were concerned about the wolves and Peter and Charlotte killing Charlie and Renee. The Cullens are NOT living in Forks, so there are no wolves.**

**- Wonderland xo Writing -**


	9. Fix You

**Chapter 9**

**Fix You**

**Jasper Whitlock POV**

Glancing over the clock, I don't even hide my smile.

Ahh, it's my favorite time of the day. Therapy sessions with my Bella. I'm so proud of her and her progress this last month, I believe I can have her released from here in about six months. The reports I'm writing to Dr. Wallace are impressive and she's very proud of my work with Bella. I remember when they told Bella that her parents were dead (compliments of a Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock) and the feeling of freedom Bella felt. I smile at the memory, and I also had Jenks take care of all the legal stuff regarding Bella and her parent's life insurance.

What she doesn't know is that I've put all of that money away for her and am taking care of the bills from the hospital. It's my honor and duty as her Mate to take care of and provide for her, and I'm more than happy to do it. For Bella.

The knock on the door brings an even bigger smile to my lips, and I watch as the door opens, revealing the head orderly, Steve, with Bella following him. The smile slips off my face with the lust and smugness he's throwing off. My frown deepens when I see the look on Bella's face. Pale as a ghost and eyes slightly wide and wild. He smiles as she closes the door, and I hear him whistling down the hall without a care in the world. The fuck is that fucker so jolly about? I then turn to my Angel walking in the room, "Hello, Bella. How are you today?"

She doesn't even acknowledge that she heard me, because I don't think she did; she just walks over to the leather chair, but there's something off. Her walk seems like it's pained, and when she sits down, she lets out a quiet hiss...like she's sore. I extend my gift to scan her emotions, and they hit me like a tidal wave. Disgust, regret, sadness, hurt, guilt, self-loathing. This immediately sends my Mating instincts into frenzy, as I wonder what threat could have made Bella feel like this. "Bella?"

She snaps her gaze up to me like a scared gazelle, "W-What?"

I frown, seeing her nervously play with her hands, "What's wrong?"

Panic, nervous, guilt, sadness, "N-Nothing, Jasper. I'm...fine." she stutters out, and I notice she's not sitting in her normal position - leaning back and hugging a knee to her chest. She's sitting straight...a little too straight.

"What did you want to talk about today?" I ask and her eyes widen as they lock to mine.

More panic. What the hell is going on with her? "I don't...really want to."

"Why not, Bella?"

"I...I don't know, Jasper. Please, don't be mad at me." she whispers, eyes already glassy with tears and I immediately stand up and walk over to her. I crouch in front of the chair and take her hands in mine, feeling her shaking. I then am hit with a scent, that's very familiar to me, yet not. Blood. I glance down to Bella's jeans, and I see blood staining them, a spot where blood should only flow from every month, which happened two weeks ago. Being a vampire and smelling so much blood, I'm able to differentiate the scent of menstrual blood and blood from a wound. I quickly avert my gaze and look into Bella's sad eyes.

"I'm not mad at you, Darlin'. It's okay if you don't want to talk, but you know you can tell me if something is bothering you." I tell her and she nods, a stray tear slipping down her cheek which I reach out and brush away with my thumb,

"Thank you, Jasper."

We spend the rest of the session in silence, while I continually glance up to Bella, who's reading one of the books from the small table. Her emotions swirl from sadness, disgust, self-loathing, panic, anxiety. I don't like feeling this from my Bella, so I subtly send her tiny waves of love, building it gradually until a knock on the door tells me our session is over.

When Bella leaves, I sit in my desk, trying to analyze Bella's behavior. The blood is too potent to be from her menstrual cycle. Unless she's cutting herself again, but I don't think Bella would cut _down there. _Her emotions were all over the place. That fucking orderly was shooting off lust like he was in a god damn strip club.

Sighing and feeling an emotion that I don't like - fear - I pick up my phone, "Hello?"

"Edward, can you come to work with me tomorrow?"

Without hesitation, he answers, "Yes, of course, Jasper. May I ask why?"

"I need your gift."

* * *

**Edward Cullen POV**

I don't know why Jasper needs me to read Bella's mind, but it must be important, especially with how desperate he sounded on the phone. I'm very curious to meet this girl, too. Jasper always seemed so cold when we first met him, so distant and secluded. I guess living in a house full of mated couples could do that to you. It must've been hard feeling our love and our lust when we make love to our Mates. I'm happy for my brother, and I've seen Bella through his thoughts, but I'm interested in meeting her and seeing her with my own eyes. I wonder what her mind is like. Jasper's mind is very organized and military like, I wonder what her mind is like.

His thoughts constantly revolve around Bella, much like Emmett, Carlisle, or even me. I imagine it must be hard for him, however, ignoring his instincts to claim her, and love her. I understand how broken she really is, and I'm proud of him for wanting to help and heal her. My brother is incredibly strong.

I walk with Jasper into the hospital, making up some excuse that I'm shadowing Jasper, since I would like to become a Clinical Psychologist. All it took was a little vampire "dazzling" and some trust projected from Jasper. We sit in his office, waiting for his Mate to arrive and I'm interested in seeing what this girl is like.

I take a seat in one of the leather chairs near the wall as there's a knock on the door, before a frail brunette girl walks in the room. Her eyes light up when they see Jasper, despite her pained expression on her face, before she turns to me and widens her eyes. "Hi, Bella. This is my brother, Edward. Do you mind if he sits in today? We don't have to talk about anything, don't worry."

She flicks her gaze back and forth between Jasper and I before nodding, taking a seat on of the leather chairs, a slight hiss escaping her lips as she sits down, straight as a board. I then realize something.

Nothing.

I can't hear her thoughts.

I stare at the girl, completely dumbfounded as this is a miraculous happenstance. I think that maybe I'm not focusing hard enough, so I concentrate on Bella, seeing if maybe I can dig deep into her thoughts, but it's just dead noise.

A hiss escapes Jasper's lips, too quiet for Bella to hear, who has picked up a book and is now reading it, her face looking nervous. I look over to Jasper and see him frowning at me, murderous eyes. _Why the fuck are you glaring at Bella? You're scaring her!_

"I can't hear her." I reply, using a decibel too low for Bella to hear me.

Jasper frowns, _What?_

"I can't read her mind. It's just...nothing."

The rest of the hour goes by quietly, Bella reading from a book while Jasper works on some paperwork, continually glancing up to Bella, with longing eyes and loving thoughts. I can hear all the love he has for Bella, and how he takes her as she is, because she's perfect for him. I have to smile every time I hear a thought, and think about how it's just like Alice and I. It doesn't matter that Bella is a human, or "sick," Jasper loves her just the same.

Jasper sighs and looks at his watch, before glancing up to Bella with loving eyes. _So beautiful...mine...soon._

"Bella, our time is up for today." Jasper gently says, before there's a knock on the door and a blonde orderly opens it. I then frown as I see him sweetly smile at Bella, while I read his mind.

_Bella crying...she's naked...his hand is over her mouth...thrusting into her...Bella hitting him...restraining her...Bella closes her eyes tight...blood trailing down her legs..."Oh, sweet little Isabella wants to talk now. Too bad I can't make you scream. Don't want to wake up everyone else with our good time..."..."See you soon, Cupcake."_

A low growl escapes my chest as Bella follows that disgusting pig out of the room. At first I hope that it could just be a sick, twisted fantasy or something, but reading minds, I've learned that there's a difference in the clarity of fantasy and memories. His thoughts were as clear as day. That was a memory, and he _raped_ Bella. That's why she looked in pain. He savagely raped her. Jasper turns to me with wide eyes, _Edward, what is it?_

Now I have to tell him that man raped his mate. How am I going to stop him from tearing him to pieces in front of all of these humans? I guess I'll just have to wait until we're home and he can go to a forest and destroy a couple of trees. "Not now. When we get home."

Jasper pleads with me, "Edward..."

I shake my head, "Jasper, please. I can't tell you now. Just wait..."

Jasper narrows his eyes at me for a couple of seconds, before nodding his head, his jaw still clenched. I sit back and try to keep myself neutral, not wanting to alert him of the problem earlier that I should. I'm not looking forward to telling him this. At all, but I have to. Bella needs to go get a rape kit, and, God forbid, a pregnancy test if the sick savage didn't use a condom. Oh, that would send Jasper over the edge and he would probably go on a rampage, slaughtering us all. I get a sick feeling in my stomach just thinking about it.

* * *

**The title of this chapter is inspired by the song _"Fix You"_ by Coldplay**

**Next chapter, all hell breaks loose. Just a warning, some violence in the next chapter. Figured I should warn you now. Oh, and Bella is not Edward's singer in this story. That would just be unfair with throwing that on top of all Bella's other shit going on, don't you think?**

**- Wonderland xo Writing -**


	10. Duel of Personalities

** Chapter 10**

**Duel of Personalities**

**Jasper Whitlock POV**

I'm worried, and I fucking hate it.

I don't know what has spooked Bella so badly, but I want to know, and I want to eliminate it. Whatever has scared her and hindered our progress needs to be taken care of. I was stunned when Edward said that he couldn't read Bella's mind. I could feel his frustration as everyone is always an open book to him, but not my Bella. I do wish that he could have read her mind to find out what is wrong with her. I want to be able to take care of Bella, but I need to know what is wrong, and I'm impatient to find out from Edward. Whatever he saw...I know it's bad.

After work, Edward and I arrive at back the house where Alice already has everyone in the dining room, Peter and Charlotte decided to stay for a little while, so they are also present. I notice that Alice is trying to cover up her expressions, but her emotions show that she's angry and shocked, whatever she saw in this meeting is making her feel like that. Everyone else is just as confused as I am.

I have no idea what Edward needed to tell me that had to wait. I could tell by his emotions that he was nervous, scared, but also angry. The anger is what is making me panic. He let loose a random growl after Bella left the room, leaving me confused as all hell. Bella had the same emotions today as she did yesterday, not giving me a clue to what the hell is going on.

"Alice told us that we need a family meeting. What is going on, son?" Carlisle asks.

Edward stands up, looking over to his wife and Mate, who takes his hand, "I, uhm...I needed to call this family meeting, because I found something in someone's mind today..." Edward trails off and I narrow my eyes, scanning his anxiety and fear which is skyrocketing.

"Oh, shit." Peter mutters with wide eyes, turning to the family and telling them something as Edward opens his mouth to talk.

"Jasper, that orderly that walks Bella to your therapy sessions...he, uhm...he raped her, Jazz." Edward tells me, before moving back with the family, all of them radiating shock, fury, sadness, pity, and pure anger.

I sit there shocked with what he just told me.

First, there is a the denial. No, he couldn't have touched my Bella. I can't fathom the idea of someone touching Bella, touching her inappropriately, touching her in a way that she didn't want to be touched.

Then everything clicks into place. The lustful emotions that piece of shit was feeling, that smug smile, Bella's terrified emotions and face, her soreness, the blood. He raped her.

Sure, I may not have treated women with the most respect in the past, hell I've fucked human women before I drained them. I was a sick bastard when Maria's claws were in me, I'll admit it. Peter and Charlotte have seen me at my worst, and they still love me. I was a masochist asshole back then, and there were many lines that I crossed, that I'm not proud of. But, to rape an innocent girl who can't defend herself, that's a line I wouldn't cross.

He raped my Bella. My beautiful, innocent Bella who did nothing wrong, but had this sick act forced on her.

Pissed off doesn't even cover the way I'm feeling right now.

I feel the black veil cover my eyes at this declaration, and I know that the Major is coming to the forefront, while I'm being shoved into the backseat. Him hearing his Mate was raped made him break out of his cage, and let loose the loudest roar, I'm sure the succubus up in Denali can hear it. The Major is out to play.

I can see the other vampires in the room have taken complete submissive positions which pleases me, and I also detect my Captain and his Mate in the room. Good, I will need my allies here. I also see that they know _who I am_ and that Jasper is not in control. He can't be in control right now, because we need to plan.

This animal is rabid, and what do we do to rabid animals? We put them down. Usually, we do it mercifully, hoping that the poor animal doesn't experience too much pain. No, no - not with this savage. He's going to regret his ancestors ever having children. He's going to rue the day he ever set eyes on my Bella. _MY _Bella. My beautiful Bella who was raped.

Raped.

The word echoes throughout my head as I can imagine her under him, struggling, him penetrating her, ripping her open...

I let out another roar at this and turned my blackened eyes to the other vampires, "Captain." I order in a calm voice, seeing him lift his head, "Front and center."

"Sir." he says, maintaining his military position while awaiting my orders. I adopt my own military position, shoulders straight, head held high, arms behind my back. Ahh, just like old times.

I clench my jaw, hissing through my teeth, "This savage will suffer. We will kill him..._slowly and painfully_."

"Sir, the others have requests." he says, and I look behind him to the vampires showing their submission to me. I scan their emotions, not feeling any malice directed at me...I evilly chuckle at the thought. Angry at me? Now, that's just stupid talk. No, they're angry at the rabid animal who touched what is most precious to me, and for that, hey will make good allies as well. They are radiating protectiveness and familial love towards my Mate.

"I'll hear them out." I nod, Peter turning back to the other vampires, who slowly lift their heads.

"Sir, I'd like to request that I get a _piece_ of this animal." the blonde female says, murderous voice. Rosalie Hale. I then remember that she was also raped by Royce King and left to die. She also is radiating familial love towards my Mate, she cares for Bella like a sister. I then remember her visiting Bella, and making her smile. She can be trusted. She also deserves some vengeance.

"Very well. You may all have a...piece of him if you would like. But, know this - he is _my_ kill. He harmed and touched _my_ Mate. He will be _destroyed_." I look at the coven leader and his Mate, seeing that they are not showing their normal compassionate nature, which I raise an eyebrow at. Not that I really care if they disapproved, because I would slaughter him anyway.

"We go tonight. I am not giving him an opportunity to...rape my Bella again." I let loose another roar after this, barely containing my fury. "Doctor Cullen."

"Sir?" Dr. Cullen asks, still keeping his Mate slightly behind him.

"I need you to get adrenaline. I don't want this fucker passing out from the pain he's about to feel." I growl, Dr. Cullen nodding before flitting up to his study with his Mate. "We'll use the old cottage in Forks that we own. It's far enough in the woods that no one will hear his screams. My Captain, his Mate, and I will go fetch the animal. All of you meet us there in an hour."

Everyone nods, running around to start getting ready while my Captain, his Mate, and I all head to my truck, pulling away from the house, and heading towards his apartment in Seattle. Thankfully for vampire memory, I remember where he lives from his resume.

"Steven Michaelson is going to die. Tonight." I growl, my Captain and his Mate growling in agreement.

Finding Steven passed out in his shitty apartment with empty beer bottles surrounding him was like taking candy from a baby. We snuck his drunk ass out of the building and into the truck where we drove out towards the cottage. I had my Captain carry his ass to the cottage, where the family is waiting.

We walk in and he throws the animal on the ground, the fucker not even waking up. I look around, seeing that everyone has murder in their eyes as they look at the blood bag on the floor. I also see Dr. Cullen with a couple of syringes, and I nod to him, happy that he followed my orders. I turn to my Captain and nod, telling him that I'm ready. He walks over to the piece of shit on the ground, smirking evilly. Just looking at him makes my venom boil as I want to skin his ass alive, but I will let the family, _Bella's family, _get their revenge before I exact mine.

"Wakey, wakey, motherfucker." Captain says, nudging him with his booted foot. He then kicks him, which wakes his ass right up. Steven looks around disoriented before frowning.

"Whe-where am I? What the fuck is this?! Dr. Hale?" he barks and Rosalie, not able to hold in her fury, walks forward and cracks him across the face.

"_Shut up. You filthy animal." _She hisses as Steven looks stunned for a couple of seconds at the force of the punch. He then glares at Rosalie, which sends Emmett into protective Mate mode as he stalks up to the loathsome cockroach, snarling at him. This sends his fear skyrocketing, while I keep a calm façade on.

"No, I'm sorry, Dr. Hale isn't available. You, Steven Michaelson, have committed a serious offense and this is your trial.I am your judge, jury, and executioner. Your crime? Defiling what I hold most precious in the world. You raped Isabella Swan..._correct?" _I growl, Steven rolling his eyes in annoyance which I smirk at. He has no idea who he is messing with.

"Aw, shit. Is that what this is about? What you wanted to fuck her? Well, sorry, I got to her first. Boy, was she tight. I was never with a virgin before..." he says smugly, the family growling in anger at this smug bastard. I know he's only trying to taunt me, and though his words do anger me - to epic levels - I keep my cool. I smirk at him, my eyes black as night, which does send his fear up a couple of notches.

"You have ten minutes. Do _**not **_kill him. He is _**mine**_." I say, meeting each of their gazes and projecting how serious I am. He better not die before I have a chance at him. I walk into the corner of the room, watching as Rose and Charlotte look at each other, before sharing a nod.

"So, you want to rape innocent, defenseless girls, huh?" Charlotte taunts, her and Rosalie stalking up to him, fury in their blackened eyes.

"How about you go against someone who can defend themselves, you piece of shit." Rose hisses, both girls smirking at Steven who lets out a pathetic growl, swinging at Char and punching her in the face, and effectively breaking his hand against her marble like skin. Peter growls at him for laying a hand on his Mate, but Charlotte and Rosalie let out a bitter laugh at this as Steven howls in pain, clutching his injured hand.

"Stupid asshole." Charlotte hisses Rosalie stalks up to Steven, grabbing him by the shirt and hauling him up, holding him in mid-air as he looks on in shock. I can feel amusement coming from Emmett as he watches his wife scare this man.

"Filthy dogs like you don't deserve to live. Unfortunately, I can't kill you..." she then brings him nose to nose with her, "...but I swear, you're going to wish I did." she tosses his across the room.

I'm surprised as Esme, sweet Esme flits over to him and swiftly kicking him in the face, cracking his cheekbone. "That is for my daughter, you disgusting pig."

Lesson to be learned here, do not fuck with Esme Cullen's children. Compassionate Esme goes out the window when one of her children is harmed. This is the first time I've ever seen her like this, looking like the vampire that she is. I can feel Dr. Cullen's lust at the sight of his Mate showing her animatistic side, as all vampires get when they see that, but I block it out, trying to focus on the anger. Esme then walks back to her Mate, a raging fire in her black eyes.

"What are you people?!" he screams, everyone sharing a collective chuckle.

"We're your worst fucking nightmare, _Stevie_, and you messed with the wrong girl." Emmett says, him and Peter stalking up to Steven, scaring the absolute shit out of him. I continue to keep his fear at that level as Peter and Emmett break his fingers, one by one, before they moved onto his wrists, snapping both of them like twigs.

His screams of pain are just building up the fire in my veins as I keep picturing my sweet Bella's face. My Mate. My beautiful Mate. My innocent, sweet Mate. Defiled by this swine. I glance down at my watch, seeing that the ten minutes is up.

"_Back up_." I growl, Peter, Charlotte, Emmett, and Rosalie all looking over to me, before complying and backing away from the savage, Mated males pushing their Mates behind them as I stalk over, predator to prey, who has actual tears falling down his cheeks.

_Edward, did Bella cry?_ I mentally ask him, glancing over to him. Edward looks pained and nods his head. I growl in my chest as Steven looks up to me, mercy in his eyes.

"Please, n-no more...I...can't t-take any...more..." I snarl at his pathetic begging and grab his throat, liking him up to look into my black eyes.

"Did you grant my Bella mercy when you raped her?!" I snarl in his face as he whimpers like a child. "Answer me!" I snarl as I punch him, feeling his ribs crack as he screams in pain.

"N-no!" he screams and I growl, cracking two other ribs, before dropping him to the ground.

"You're gonna know what pain is...you're going to know what it's like to be at the mercy of someone bigger and stronger than you." I say as I step on his femur, snapping it like a twig. I close my eyes and relish his screams of pain as I feel approval and joy from the family. I then step on the other one, breaking that. "If you're not going to be able to handle blood, get out!" I growl at the family, only Peter and Charlotte stay. I know Dr. Cullen would have been okay with the blood, but he wanted to stay with his Mate. In fact, they're headed back to the house to show each other how much they do, in fact, love each other.

I decide that he needs to feel some more pain, so I rip his t-shirt off and take my razor sharp nails, clawing at him, making crisscrossing lines, seeing the crimson blood leak from his wounds as his screams of pain fill the cottage. I then gather up all the venom in my mouth, and spit in each cut, like pouring lemon juice right over an open wound times a thousand. The venom is not enough to change him, but just enough to burn him alive.

Turns out, we did need the adrenaline. I broke almost every bone in his body, and ripped off a very precious appendage of his, before letting him bleed out slowly where I continued to put venom in his wounds. He burned slowly and painfully. Peter, Char, and I were all covered in blood when we were done, though I didn't thirst for it. I would never want to drink his foul blood. "Let's clean this up." I say, looking at the remains of Steve as I look over to Peter and Charlotte, who nod their agreements.

After an hour, we've finally cleaned the place up, and got rid of Steven's body. We all went down the the river about three miles away from the cottage to get the blood off us, just until we get back to the house and can properly shower.

When we arrive back at the mansion, Peter and Charlotte go off in the woods for some night activities, just like the rest of the house is doing. I'm shoving my Mating instincts aside for Bella, knowing that it's going to be awhile before we can get _there_.

Now that the problem is taking care of, I realize that the Major is gone back into his cage, sated by the vengeance we just received. It's not over, because Bella is going to be affected by this and it might hinder the progress we were making. I can't help but picture how scared she was when he was doing that to her, how she didn't have any way of calling for help, how frightened she looked when she came to our therapy sessions, the fear and self-loathing she felt. Oh, my Bella, you blame yourself.

I hear an odd noise and I glance around the room, seeing my family members have congregated in the room. I glance around, trying to find the source of that odd sound and I see all of them looking at me radiating worry. I feel two arms wrap around me and turn my head, seeing Rosalie hugging me. I then realize the sound is coming from my own throat. I'm sobbing, breathing shallow, and whimpering. I fully break down into my "twin's" arms, everyone gathering around and radiating their love for me. I slump against my sister and weep for my broken Mate.

After I've calmed down enough, I decide that I should talk to Carlisle about helping my Mate. We both walk into his study, where he takes a seat behind his desk. I don't think I can sit down, so I stay standing, "She was...bleeding. I saw blood on her jeans and it looked painful for her to sit down and walk. He ripped her open." I growl the last part, clenching my fists.

Carlisle keeps a submissive pose, showing that he's not a threat. He's also radiating fatherly love towards my Mate, "Son, I think that we should take her to the hospital to get her checked out. Possibly a pregnancy test."

A growl tears from my throat at this and Carlisle keeps a submissive position. I know I have to keep a level head, _For Bella_, my beast whispers, agreeing with me.

"She might need stitches if he tore her too much." he tells me and I nod my head, squeezing my eyes shut. _For Bella, for Bella, for Bella, for Bella..._

We hear a knock on the door, and I turn to see Rosalie step into the room, giving me a small smile, "I could talk to her, if you'd like. Maybe having a female who went through the same thing could help?"

I smile at Rosalie and nod my head, "Thanks, Rose."

"Anything for her."

* * *

**The title of this chapter is inspired by the song _"Dead Souls"_ by Joy Division**

**Ok, I actually cut the torture down quite a bit, not wanting to get too gory. I think he suffered enough, don't you think? So, what did you think of this chapter? Pictures to accompany this story and playlist links are on my profile. I hope you enjoyed...**

**- Wonderland xo Writing -**


	11. Just Breathe

**Chapter 11**

**Just Breathe**

Sometimes, I wish I could just sleep. I envy humans for that, just to be able to forget about the world and their problems for a couple of hours, slipping into blissful unconsciousness. Where I don't have to think, I can just rest and forget about the day that I've just endured. That's the only thing I envy humans for. To be honest, I like being a vampire. I like the speed. I like the strength. I like feeling invincible and I like who I am. Yes, I've killed humans in the past for their blood and yes, I feel bad, but that's my food source. I killed for food, just like humans kill animals for food. Sure, the emotions of my victims sucked, but the gratification of the blood I received after made up for it.

Now, I'm not saying I regret switching to the animal diet, because I do like integrating myself into society and acting like a human. I've gone to college, gone to high school, hell, I even have a job right now. Nomadic lifestyle gets boring after a while.

I'm getting off topic, but the point I'm trying to make is that I do miss sleep.

I've spent all last night thinking, taking my mind off Bella's rape, and I think that it's time for Bella to leave this place. I've already sent my files and notes to Dr. Wallace and a request for her release. Carlisle and Esme have talked about wanting to adopt Bella. I contacted Jenks early this morning and he is making the "adoption papers."

"Hello, Bella." I see her walk into the door, escorted by a different male orderly. She walks into the door with her head down. She still walks a little stiff, and I can feel some pain radiating from her.

"Bella." Rose says and Bella snaps her head up, eyes widening and a smile crossing her face when she sees my sister smiling at her.

"Rose..." Bella says a small smile crossing her face. Rose walks over to Bella and I can't help the flash of jealousy when Bella lets my sister hug her, laying her head on her shoulder, but the smile on her face brings one to my own. She truly loves and trusts Rosalie, as my sister does to her.

"What are you doing here?" Bella asks, looking up at Rose, who gently grabs her chin.

"I can't visit my little sister?" at this statement, Bella's happiness spikes and my smile even widens.

"No, I'm happy you're here, but you've never come to one of my therapy sessions before. I didn't think you would even be allowed..." she says and sits down on her normal chair, wincing a bit. Rose flashes me a look before sitting down next to Bella.

"I pulled a few strings." I tell Bella as I stand up and walk over to Bella, Rose quietly hissing at me, "Be careful, she might be wary around men, Mate or not."

This statement stabs me right in the heart. I can't bear the the thought of her being scared of me, but these fears diminish when my Bella looks up with a small smile as I walk over and I return it, crouching down in front of her, "Bella, I wanted to talk to you about something."

She frowns and tilts her head, "About what?"

"Well, firstly I want you to know that Steven is not coming back to work...ever." I tell her, noticing how Bella tenses up at the name and starts shaking. Rose wraps an arm around her shoulder and I bite back a growl, trying to tell myself that we killed him and he suffered.

"Bella..." Rose gently starts, "Did he ever hurt you?"

Panic hits me from Bella as her eyes widen, "No! No, no...w-what made you think that?" she stutters, tensing and I reach out, taking her warm hands in my own.

"It's okay, Darlin'." I murmur, stroking the back of her hands with my thumbs.

"Bella, I want to tell you a true story," Rose starts as she gives Bella a small smile. My Mate frowns in confusion and Rose smiles at her, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, "A girl was walking home late one night from her friends house. She heard her name being called by her fiancé who was outside of a bar with all of his friends, incredibly drunk. He wanted to 'show her off' to all of his friends and he did. He showed her off, and they all took turns, beating her and then raping her, before leaving her in the street for dead."

"What happened to her?" Bella asks and Rosalie smiles, tightening the arm around Bella.

"I was saved by Carlisle." Rose says and Bella gasps, eyes wide and jaw slack. I feel the shock and pity rolling off her and Rose gives her a sad smile. "Bella, I was raped by the man I was supposed to marry."

Bella looks down to her lap, while I smell the salt from her tears, before she opens her mouth and speaks.

"He...I-I tried to tell him no...I hit him, but h-he wouldn't stop..." Bella breaks down sobbing and moves forward, flying into my arms and I cradle her to me, gently rocking her as Rosalie moves forward and hugs her too. Bella is sandwiched in between both of us as she sobs, self-loathing, disgust, and embarrassment rolling off her. _That bastard didn't suffer enough._

"Shh, it wasn't your fault, Darlin'..." I murmur, Bella clinging to me and I bury my face in her hair, inhaling her scent of strawberries.

"Bella, you have to understand that he was a bad man and he did a bad thing. You are **not** at fault." Rosalie tells her sternly, as Bella sniffs, looking back and forth between us.

"You guys can't tell anyone. He'll know..." Bella stutters out and I growl in my chest, feeling her fear spike as I tighten my hold on her.

"You don't have to worry about _him, _Bella." I assure her, brushing some of her brown hair from her face, revealing the scars on her cheeks.

Bella frowns, "Why?"

"Because we took care of him." I whisper and Bella frowns before widening her eyes in realization, looking back and forth between Rose and I.

"You...you did that for me? How did you know?"

Rose and I share a look, before she nods her head, "Darlin', I think it's time we told you what we are."

"What do you mean?" Bella asks, tilting her head.

"Bella, we're not human." I say, gauging her reaction and she surprises me when she doesn't give one. Hmm, curious. "We're vampires."

I don't know what I was expecting, but acceptance was not it. Bella stays quiet for about "I knew that you and your family are different. That's why I liked you and trusted you. Don't ask me why I'm not shocked, because I have no idea." she says and Rose and I share a surprised look, "Do...do you want to uhm...drink my blood?"

"No!" Rose and I yell at the same time, Bella jumping in my arms and making me feel like shit for scaring her, but she has to know that we would never even consider hurting her.

"Sorry, Darlin', but we would never want to hurt you. Never." I say and Rose nods her head, taking Bella's hand.

"Is that why you all have gold eyes?" she asks and I smile, nodding my head. "And why you're cold and pale?"

"So perceptive." Rose says, shaking her head and I smile at my Bella, gently stroking her hand with my thumb.

"We don't drink human blood. We drink animal blood, Bella."

"Why?" she inquires with a tilt of her head.

"Because we don't want to kill humans. We don't want to 'lose our humanity' so we only drink the blood of animals." Rosalie tells Bella, who nods her head.

"But...how are you out in the daytime?" she asks, Rose and I chuckling at her question, but I stop when I feel her embarrassment grow. She ducks her head and blushes when she thinks we're laughing at her. I notice Rose stops as well, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

"Oh, we're not laughing at you, Sweetie. It's just the sun doesn't hurt us." It's probably best we don't tell her that we sparkle yet, she might look at us like we're crazy.

"Garlic? Holy water? Wooden stakes? Immortality? Fangs? Invisibility in mirrors?" Bella questions, Rose and I chuckling at the questions, "I read Dracula for an English assignment a couple of months ago."

"We are immortal, we can see ourselves in mirrors. Wooden stakes, garlic, and holy water do not harm us. That's a Hollywood creation, we've been around much longer."

Bella frowns, "Immortal? How old are you?"

"I was eighteen when I was turned in 1933." Rose says and Bella then turns to me with a questioning look.

"I was nineteen in 1864."

"You look older tha nineteen, Jasper." Bella comments and I chuckle, nodding my head while Rose smiles at us.

"War, it'll do that to you." I mutter, talking about the Civil and Southern wars.

"War?" she asks and I smirk, tipping my invisible hat.

"Major Jasper Whitlock at your service, ma'am. Youngest Major in the Confederate Army." I tell her, laying my accent on thick which makes Bella smile widely. Ah, so my baby likes my accent. I'll store that for future use.

"Confederate? Wow." she breathes impressed and I smile, before her face turns serious, "Did you...you know, kill..._him_?"

"We took care of him, Bella. That's all you need to know." I tell her, and Bella nods her head, small smile on her face before she turns into my embrace and wraps her arms around my neck, burying her face into my neck.

"Thank you...thank you so much, Jasper." she whispers and I gently wrap my arms around her small body. I close my eyes and inhale her scent, feeling the purr start to rumble in my chest at the close proximity of our bodies. I shove it down to not startle Bella with why in the world I'm purring like a giant kitten. Rose smirks knowingly at me and I ignore her, focusing back on the beauty in my arms.

"Wait, that doesn't answer my question on how you knew." Bella says and I take a deep breath.

"Bella, when a vampire is turned, sometimes they take strong traits from their human lives and they strengthen as vampires. You know Edward?" at her nod, I continue, "He said that he could read people very easily as human, and now he can read minds as vampire."

"He read my mind?" she asks and I shake my head.

"No, yours is the first mind he actually can't read." Rose says and Bella frowns, looking over to me.

"Why?"

"I'm not sure, Darlin'. But, he read Steven's mind." I tell her and she blanches, her breathing becoming shallow.

"He...he saw...oh my God, he saw..." Bella says, embarrassment rolling off her, which brings on fresh tears.

"Shh...it's okay, Bella." I murmur, Bella placing her head over my unbeating heart as embarrassment keeps flowing from her. I decide to show her my gift, so I take away all the embarrassment, and replace it with happiness, calm, and love.

She sinks into my embrace, sighing contentedly before snapping her eyes open, "What just happened?"

"I took away all of your embarrassment, Bella."

"How?"

"I'm an empath. I can feel and manipulate emotions."

"You can _feel_ what I'm feeling?"

"Have you ever...manipulated me before?" she asks and I nod my head.

"Only once. It was after your parents visited and you were so sad, so I sent you some of my love."

"That was you." she whispers and I nod my head, being rewarded with a smile.

"Does anyone else have these, uhm, gifts?"

"Our sister Alice can see the future based on peoples decisions." Rose says and Bella frowns, looking at her lap.

"Could she of...saw what he...what he was going to do?" she asks and my heart breaks as I hold her closer.

"No, Sweetheart. She said that she didn't see that happening to you." I tell her, Bella nodding her head and still looking down. I questioned Alice, upset why the hell she didn't see it happening, and I got a little out of line with my accusations, but I remembered that she never met Bella or Steven, therefore had no way of seeing the decision he made to rape her. Alice's gift is not perfect.

"Bella, I think that we should take you to the hospital to get you checked out. It's obvious that you're sore and you might have to get a...pregnancy test." Rose says and Bella immediately shakes her head.

"No, I don't need...that. He, uhm, he used...he used a..." Bella trails off, and I can see she's uncomfortable with saying it. Rose glances over to me, before finishing for Bella.

"He used a condom." Bella confirms with a nod of her head and it makes me feel a little better that he did not rape her bare. If that was the case, I might've had to kill something else to satisfy my anger.

"I-I saw him...pull it off..." Bella closes her eyes tightly and snuggles into my side while a growl reverberates in my chest. _He's dead, he suffered. He's dead, he suffered. He's dead, he suffered._

"We should have a doctor look at you, though. Just in case. We could even take you to Carlisle's hospital where he could look at you?" Rose suggests and Bella looks down, shame and embarrassment rolling off her.

"Do...do they all know?"

I nod my head, seeing no point in lying to her, "Yes, they know what he did."

"Do they, uhm...do they think I'm...dirty or gross...do they hate me now?" she asks, fresh tears falling from her eyes and I shake my head, quickly wiping away the tears. I doubt Bella could do anything that would make them hate her, and the wrong that has been done to her is in no way her fault. I understand that some rape victims blame themselves for what happened to them, and Bella is blaming herself with the disgust and self-loathing rolling off her.

"No, Bella. They could never think that you're dirty or gross or any other nasty word that is rolling through your head. You are wonderful and beautiful and they love you." I tell her and her mood slightly raises the self-loathing disappearing. Good, that nasty emotion doesn't belong anywhere near her.

"Rose...will...will you stay with me?" she asks, brown eyes full of tears that plead to Rose. The last pieces of my sister's facade crumbles under those doe eyes as she smiles at my Bella. A true, _break your face in half_, grin. She loves Bella so much, just like a little sister and it's amazing to feel it.

"Of course, Bella. We could have Esme come along, too. Would you want that?" Rose asks and Bella nods her head yes.

"Yes," Bella whispers, nodding her head. I walk down to Dr. Wallace's office, manipulating her emotions while I tell her that Bella has been feeling sick and I would like to take her to the hospital. With a dazzling smile and some trust thrown her way, she agrees. Sometimes my power is a blessing, other times it's a curse. I'm happy to have it now, though.

When we walk outside, Bella immediately stops and looks up to the sky before looking around and taking a deep breath.

"What's wrong, Bella?" I ask and she opens her eyes, giving me a small smile.

"I haven't been outside since I came here. It's weird to be able to just walk out." she tells me and I smile, both of us walking over to Rose's M3, Bella's eyes widening when she sees the car and I chuckle, squeezing the hand that I'm holding. She gets in the backseat and I slide in next to her as Rose drives us to the mansion. We're actually going to just take her to the house, where Carlisle is going to meet us. He told us that it would be better than the hospital he works at, and since there's not many people there, he can come home for a little bit, bringing the stuff he needs to examine her. It's going to be hard having a male, even if it's just Carlisle, examine her, but it's for her health.

On the way home, we tell Bella that she'll get to meet Emmett, Alice, and I also tell her about my brother and sister, Peter and Charlotte. I can feel her worry, nervousness, and anxiety spiking as her breathing becomes short and her hand is shaking in mine.

"It's okay, Darlin', they already love you."

"Yes, but I don't know if they like me." she says and I share a look with Rose in the mirror. "You can love someone without liking them."

"They both love and like you. Just ignore Emmett if he acts like giant child, because he is a giant child." Rose pipes up from the front seat and she smiles.

"Peter is...a little...well, he's..." I trail off, not knowing how to describe my brother. Peter is very sarcastic, a few beers short of a six-pack, and has a loud mouth, but he's one of the most caring motherfuckers to ever walk this Earth. If you're important to him like Char, me , or now-Bella, he will kill anyone who tries to hurt us. Just like he did last night.

"Stupid?" Rose provides and Bella giggles at this, and I smile at the sound.

I nod my head, agreeing with her, "Yes, but he and his wife Charlotte are very sweet." Charlotte is the level-headed one in the relationship. Their relationship reminds me of Rose and Emmett in their likeness. They're both practically opposites, yet they love each other for it.

"Alice is a little exuberant, but you'll get used to her." Rose says and Bella sighs.

"It's a little overwhelming...all these people I'm going to meet." she says, worry radiating off her.

"Don't worry, we'll be there with you." I promise and Bella smiles, giving my hand a squeeze. The rest of the ride is spend in silence as I try to keep Bella's worry and anxiety down. Soon enough, Rose is pulling to the mansion just outside of Seattle, which makes Bella widen her eyes.

"You live _here_?"

"Esme designed it. Wait till you see the interior." Rose says, before glancing up at me through the mirror. "She'll be living here soon enough." she says too quietly for Bella to hear and I smile, glancing over to my Angel, who's still staring wide eyed at the house.

As soon as we walk into the house, Esme and Carlisle appear, a smile spreading across Bella's face, "Bella," Esme says opening her arms, which Bella walks right into. Esme radiates maternal love for Bella as she closes her eyes and smiles while hugging my Mate.

"Hi, Esme." she murmurs against her shoulder before she pulls back and looks over to Carlisle, walking into his embrace.

"Hello, Sweetheart." Carlisle says, placing a kiss on the top of her head. I can feel Bella's contentment and love for my two parents and I smile, focusing on them and projecting it. They both look up in shock, "That's what Bella feels for you." I say, too quietly for Bella to hear. Both of them look like they're on the verge of tears, before Emmett comes charging in the house.

"Is she here?" a booming voice yells, causing Bella to jump in shock and I quietly hiss at Emmett to calm down. He looks sheepish as he walks into the room and Bella turns her head to me, a silent question in her eyes. I walk over and take her hand in mine, leading her over to Emmett, whose arm is now around Rose.

"Bella, this is my husband, Emmett." Rose says and Bella moves slightly behind me, still holding my hand.

"Hi, Emmett." she says quietly, Emmett flashing her a big, goofy grin.

"Hey, Bella. You can call me Em." Emmett says with a dimpled grin and I look down, seeing Bella smiling at Emmett. My bear of a brother can make anyone smile with one of his jokes, or just flashing them a dimpled smile. He really was a forever child, but Rose loved him anyway.

"Well, look who we have here." Peter says, sauntering in the room with Charlotte under his arm.

"Hello, Little Bit. I'm Peter, Jasper's more attractive, better-in-all-ways, kick-ass brother. And this sexy little thing on my arm is my woman, Charlotte." Peter says and I glare at him, sending him my irritation and annoyance, which he just ruffles off like water off a duck. Charlotte raises her right hand and slap him upside the head, Bella silently giggling at the exchange.

"Can you not be an ass for one second?"

"One...yep, turns out I can." Peter replies cheekily, and Bella's amusement rises.

"Nice to meet you." Bella says and Charlotte turns, flashing her a gently smile. Alice and Edward walk into the room, Alice taking it slow as Edward has him arm wrapped around her shoulder.

"Hi, Bella! I'm Alice." my pixie sister chirps and Bella smiles, giving her a small wave.

"Nice to meet you, Alice. Uhm...nice to see you again, Edward." Bella says, ducking her head down and blushing in embarrassment, moving a little behind me. Edward looks to me and frowns while I mentally answer, _She's embarrassed and ashamed by what you saw in his head. Don't worry, it's not personal._

He nods, looking a little sad. I'm incredibly grateful to my brother and his gift, but like me, sometimes he views it as a curse.

"Bella, I'll show you my office." Carlisle says and anxiety flashes through Bella, but I lean forward and place a kiss on Bella's head.

"It's be okay, Bella. Rose and Esme will stay with you." I whisper and this relaxes her as she nods her head, giving me a small smile. She walks over to Rose and Esme, who take her hands and walk up the stairs with Carlisle.

When she went upstairs with Carlisle, Peter and Charlotte walk up to me with smiles on their faces, radiating approval and love, "Little Bit sure is a cute, huh, Major?"

At my glare, he holds his hands up in surrender, smirking all the while.

"She's as cute as a button, Major." Char says, looking up to where they disappeared. I walk upstairs to take vigil outside the study. I won't go in, but I just need to be near her, maybe calm her down if she's too panicked.

I sit outside the room, listening to Carlisle explaining what he's doing to Bella and I feel the concern and love rolling off him. He already loves her as a daughter.

"Ow..." I hear her small voice whimper and I get up to storm into the office when Peter and Emmett both push me back into my seat. I hear a small yip from Bella before an apology by Carlisle and soft murmurs from Esme and Rose. I try to free myself from their grasp, needing to be with my Mate, when Peter brings his mouth to my ear, whispering.

"I know you want to go in there, but you'll scare her. This is hard enough on her as it is, Major. Esme, Rose, and Carlisle are in there with her. They're taking good care of her. She's okay..." Peter is really my brother, always knowing what to say to calm me down.

"She's in good hands, man. The best, actually. We're all here and we all care for her. She's okay, man. We'll all take care of her." Emmett says and I slightly smile, sending my gratitude towards him.

"Ow..." Bella whimpers again and I shut my eyes, a whimper escaping my own throat. I don't think I've heard anything more heartbreaking than my Mate in pain. I can her own pain in my chest, not the physical pain, the embarrassment, humiliation, disgust, self-loathing...

I need to roar, to destroy, to kill, to dismember, to do something to get rid of all of this hate I have for everything.

"It's okay, brother." Peter murmurs, both of them still holding me down. They continue to hold me down, stopping me from breaking the door down a couple of times, before I see Carlisle walk out of the room. I'm immediately on my feet, and in front of him.

"She'll be sore for a couple of days, but I've given her a painkiller to help. She said that he used a condom, but I went ahead and checked for any STD's..." he stops when a growl tears from my throat, but I grunt for him to continue, "She didn't contract anything from him. I'm almost positive that she's not pregnant, but we'll a bit for a test. We just want to be safe."

"Thank you, Carlisle." I tell him as the door opens, Esme, Rose, and Bella stepping out, my Mate holding Rose's hand tightly.

"I'll go make you something to eat." Esme says, placing a kiss on Bella's head before walking down the stairs. I walk over to Bella and she immediately walks into my embrace, hugging me. I smile, and place a kiss on her head, murmuring, "Are you alright, Darlin'?"

She nods against my chest, taking deep gulps of my scent as her contentment rises. I walk her down the steps and into the kitchen, taking a seat next to her at the unused kitchen table. The family gathers around and acts like they normally do, Bella observing them with a smile on her face. Esme cooks her dinner, which Bella comments is amazing, sending Esme's joy up many notches. She stays glued to my side the whole time there, either holding my hand, or under my arm.

I know that she feels the mating pull, but I need to remind myself that she is only sixteen and not quite healed yet. She seems to come to me for comfort and safety and that, I can offer. In any way that she wants to me to.

"I don't want to go back." Bella quietly says, everyone's sadness hitting me and I brush them off, not wanting to feel everyone else's on top of my own.

"You won't be there much longer, Bella. Don't worry." I tell her and she nods her head, making her goodbyes to everyone, who is incredibly sad to see her leave. It didn't take long for everyone to love Bella, more than they already did, and tomorrow, I start the process of getting her out of that hellhole. She's coming home.

* * *

**The title of this chapter is inspired by the song_"Breathe (2 AM)"_ by Anna Nalick**

**So, I'm going to start updating either every other day or every two days. Just because if I don't, I'm going to give up and this story will go to hell. I'm a very fickle person, which I hate about myself.**

**I've started writing a new story, but I won't post it until I'm more than halfway done, which I expect will be at the beginning of October. The Prologue is on my Word Press, link is on my profile as is the summary of the story.**

**Oh, hell, I'll just post the summary here:**

_******The Order**_

_******Isabella Swan is a seventeen year old natural witch living in Forks, Washington. She follows the Order, ancient laws and decrees made for witches who use the Craft. A year away from her ascension, she meets a coven of vampires and falls in love with one of them. She has to battle her own inner struggles, including the lingering darkness withing the Order. As her ascension nears, she must fight to remain in the light, despite the strengthening dark trying to claim her.**_

******Yes, it is a Jasper/Bella. I can't ship anyone else.**

**- Wonderland xo Writing -**


	12. Home

**Chapter 12**

**Home**

**Bella Swan POV**

Sometimes, I still feel crazy.

I've had many things happen to me in my sixteen years of life, mostly bad. I've been loathed, screamed at, bullied, attempted to kill myself, and raped. Am I giving up? No. I don't think I could cut myself now, even if you put a fresh razor in front of my face. I have, for the first time, someone to live or. Actually, I should say someones.

My family. The Cullens. My family of vampires. Weird, huh?

This world is a whole lot bigger than I thought. Vampires - blood drinking vampires - exist. Mythological creatures exist, and one of them is my shrink...who I think I love. No, I _do_ love him. This damn tug in my chest pulls me to Jasper whenever he's in the hospital, and I love the relief I feel when we have our therapy sessions.

It's incredibly easy to just talk to him. To just talk. Sometimes, we don't even have to exchange words, we can just exchange looks that can mean a thousand words. I'm in deep, but I'm scared. I _know _that Jasper is not like Steven, but what if...what if he doesn't accept me because of what _he _did to me? What if he's repulsed by what I've done to my body? I'm repulsed by my own body, how could Jasper love me?

I'm stewing in my own thoughts while trying to read a book Esme brought me when I hear a soft voice call my name. I look over, smiling when I saw Esme and Carlisle walking over to me. I put my book down on the couch and walk over, both of them enveloping me in a warm hug, despite their cold temperatures.

"How are you, Sweetheart?" Esme asks, cupping my face and I nod my head, smiling.

"I'm okay. Jasper said that I can get out of here soon." I tell Esme who smiles at me. At the last session, Jasper and I talked about me getting out of this dump, and he said he sent my release form to the director. He's looking for me to get released around May at the earliest, and I can't wait since I'm so sick of white walls. There's still a problem, though.

"Have they told you where you're going to go?" Carlisle asks and I shake my head, since the hospital hasn't discussed it with me yet. It's one of my biggest fears, because I really don't think I could get an apartment or something at sixteen years old. They would probably send me to a group home until I'm eighteen where I could hope and pray that I would be adopted. Unlikely.

"Well, that's what we'd like to talk to you about, Bella." Carlisle says as we walk over to the couches, while I take a seat across from them. They both smile at each other, before looking at me.

"Bella, we already consider you a member of our family. Jasper said that since you'll be released soon, and we would like for you to come live with us and Esme and I would like to officially adopt you." Carlisle tells me and I sit there stunned for a bit, going over what he just said in my mind. They want to adopt me. They want me to become part of their family. They want to accept me.

"Would you like that, Dear? We already love you so much. You're as much a daughter to me as Rose or Alice, this would just make it official." Esme says, reaching out and taking my hand in hers.

"All we have to do is sign the papers, Bella. But they are just papers that would make it official. We love you so much, Bella." Carlisle tells me, a wide smile on his face.

Love from a parent. Seems so foreign, alien, something I've never felt until I met Carlisle and Esme.

Living with the Cullens...becoming a Cullen...is definitely an idea that's amazing. All I can do is nod, the lump in my throat is constricting my airway as they both smile and lean forward, pulling me into their arms while I cry, for once, tears of joy.

Joy. Happiness. Excitement.

"I see she said yes." Jasper says and I turn my head to see his smiling face, beaming at me. I then stand up and walk over to Jasper, entering his embrace. I place my head over where his heart should beat and revel in his scent. "Welcome to the family, Angel."

"Thank you."

* * *

**Jasper Whitlock POV**

I've gotten Bella's release set up for May, giving us less than a month to get everything packed up. We've decided to move back to Forks, to get away from Seattle and Vilette. Bella has also told me that she wants to go back to her hometown, and show everyone that she's better and she's not letting their cruel words getting her down. Eventually, she wants to start back at Forks High School. Bella is incredibly strong, and while I was reluctant to follow these particular wishes, I know that this is a big step in helping her.

Esme worked fast and bought a house that's secluded and near the woods, so hunting is taken care of. It has seven rooms all together - Carlisle and Esme, Edward and Alice, Rose and Emmett, my study, and Carlisle's study is all taken care house has two small bedrooms Esme suggested we knock down the wall and create one big bedroom for Bella.

Emmett and Edward worked on the rest of the house and their bedrooms, while Peter and I started putting everything together for Bella's bedroom. I want to give her everything that her parents never did, so I'm personally financing everything for her. It's my honor and duty as her Mate to make sure that my woman has everything she desires and more, and I'm happy to give it to her. I'd lay down the world at her feet if she wanted it.

_What my Mate wants, my Mate gets. _Ask any Mated male, and he'll tell you the same thing.

Peter and I knocked down the wall, and built her a bigger closet - which was Alice's part of the project after helping build her own closet in her and Edward's bedroom. After the construction of the room, Esme, Charlotte and Rose took it upon themselves to paint the room her favorite color - teal Esme and Rose both designed the room, seeing as how they're accustomed to Bella's style. We put together a black iron bed frame and Esme bought a black and white designed comforter. I also hung up string lights around the room, since Bella mentioned it's something she always wanted.

I've personally stocked the room with all she should need - an iMac and Macbook, Emmett and I hung up a flat screen on her wall, DVD player and DVD's, and some of my favorite books on a black bookshelf that takes up a whole wall. I've also bought some of her favorites - We Need To Talk About Kevin, The Catcher in the Rye, Macbeth, Frankenstein, and some others that Ese brought her. Rose gave herself the task of buying clothes for her, so I gave her my black credit card and told her their was no limit, just to get Bella whatever she needs. She came home with a full trunk and backseat of clothes for Bella, and I noticed she kept it to her style, not wanting to push her into anything that would make her uncomfortable and I will happily sign that credit card bill when it comes in.

I've thanked my family numerous times for helping me with all of this, but they just say that Bella is apart of the family now, but I'm still incredibly thankful. They don't know how much this means to me.

I'm excited for my Mate to come home and then she can really start to get her life back, with our help. I feel really good that my whole family is going to help out, and then we can start Mating. I'm not going to rush it, we're going on her time.

Esme and Carlisle pick Bella up from the hospital with Rose on May 12, and Bella walks hand in hand with Rose out to the car, while I promise that I'll see her at home. To keep up appearances, I've decided to work at the hospital for about three more months, before feigning exhaustion and desperately needing time off from my work with Bella, since a girl so broken has taken a toll on my emotions, an all that. I also don't want to be away from Bella for too long, and I want to help her reintegrate back into the real world.

When I arrive home from work, I see Bella sitting in the kitchen with Esme, who's cooking her dinner. Rose is sitting next to her, talking to her. Edward and Alice are sitting on the couch together while Emmett plays a video game. I assume Peter and Charlotte are out hunting.

When I enter the kitchen, Bella looks over and smiles at me. A beaming, white smile that I can't help but return, "Hey, Darlin'."

"Hi, Jasper." she replies, looking incredibly happy to be out of the hospital. She looks like she's regained some color to her, but that might be because she's away from all the white walls.

"Did you like your room?" I ask and she looks a little sheepish.

"She refused to see it." Rose says with a small smile and I frown, looking at Bella.

"What? Why?"

She shakes her head, "No, I refused to see it _without you_. Esme said you played a big part in helping designing it and I wanted you to be there when I saw it."

I have to say, I'm really touched that she wants me to be there with her. "Well, let's not keep you waiting any longer."

I reach out my hand and Bella immediately takes it, her soft, warm hand in mine making me want to purr. We've come such a long way in eleven months. Bella has gone from completely silent, to talking, and I'm so proud. I know that the battle is not over, yet, but I will continue to fight next to Bella.

We walk upstairs and I lead her over to her bedroom, which is conveniently next to my study. I can also feel everyone hanging back, their excitement growing at Bella seeing her new room. I open the door for her and her brown eyes widen before she even steps into the room. I nod my head for her to go in with a smile, and she doesn't let go of my hand as she walks in, looking around. "This is mine?"

"It's all yours. What do you think?" I ask, hoping that she likes it. If she doesn't like something, I have no problem getting rid of it or changing it to her liking.

"It's...I don't know what to say." she whispers. Her emotions are swirling around quickly as she goes from happy to unworthy to shocked to guilty.

"Bella..." I say and she turns to me with glassy brown eyes. I cup her face between my large hands, her cheeks flush crimson, "You deserve all of this and even more. Don't feel unworthy or guilty, Angel."

"Okay, Jasper." Bella says and I smile, kissing her forehead and wrapping my arm around her shoulders. I almost expected to shy away from the touch, but she just melts into my embrace.

* * *

_The title of this chapter was inspired by the Phillip Phillips song, "Home"_

_Sorry for not updating in a while. Every single time I tried to sit down and write, my muse wouldn't appear and I couldn't get any ideas. Thankfully, last night while watching Dogma, I started getting ideas. Expect updates about once or twice a week from now on._

_- Wonderland xo Writing -_


	13. Erase the Pain

**Chapter 13  
**

**Erase the Pain**

**Jasper Whitlock POV**

"Bella, come on! We're going swimming!" Alice chirps while skipping into Bella's room. I'm sitting in my study next to her room, putting together all of Bella's money she received from her parent's life insurance and her father's pension. I'm just setting it up in an account that only she will have access to, just in case. She won't have to worry about money with me especially, since I have a good amount of it. I've lived a long time on this earth, and with gambling and investing, I've acquired a good fortune.

"It's sunny out, and Emmett wants to go to his swimming hole." Alice says and I can hear Bella sigh and her book close. "Come on, get your suit on."

I'm then hit with panic from Bella and my hackles go on a rise, looking around for some unseen threat, before I realize that Bella doesn't want anyone to see her in a bathing suit. I wish I could take away the disgust Bella feels whenever I hear her changing. I understand that she hates the scars, almost as much as I hate mine. I still get uncomfortable taking my shirt off in front of my family, knowing that it's instinctual for vampires to fear scars, showing that I'm a battle hardened man. It would be hypocritical for me to advocate not being disgusted with her scars, when I'm disgusted with mine.

"Oh, I don't really feel like swimming, but I'll come with and watch." Bella says and I feel Alice start to protest, before Rose makes herself known.

"Hey, Bells." Rose chirps, and I can feel joy and happiness replacing the panic in Bella emotions as her big sister is in the vicinity. I know that Alice is jealous as Bella prefers Rose over herself, but Rose understands Bella, and knows what it's like to be...betrayed by someone you were supposed to be able to trust. I can't even say the word or think about what happened without getting angry. There's an unspoken agreement around the house to never mention it, in fear of hindering her progress. "We'll be down in a little bit, Alice."

I can hear Alice huff and her retreating footsteps, while Bella lets out a sigh of relief, "Thanks, Rose."

"No problem. You don't have to swim, Bella." Rose assures her and I know that Rose is the only other person who knows about Bella's body, and why she always wears long sleeves. I quickly change into my swim trunks, before walking downstairs, where Emmett is wearing his swim trunks and glasses, as if he needs it.

I glance outside, seeing that it's a rare sunny day in Forks, and the vampires that inhabit the town are going to make the most of it. I hear footsteps and turn around, seeing Rose in a pair of shorts and a tank top, her red bikini peeking through which makes Emmett send out boat loads of lust. I concentrate and force it away, not needing to feel that right now.

Bella walks beside Rose with a long sleeve t-shirt on, a pair of ripped skinny jeans, and black chucks. Emmett frowns, disappointment radiating from him, "Belly, you're not going swimming?"

"No thanks, Em." Bella says with a small smile, putting her messenger bag over her shoulder. Rose then takes this as her signal to distract Emmett, so he doesn't ask any more questions. Bella immediately walks over to me and I place my arm around her shoulders, an instinctive move on my part and Bella melts into my side, while placing her iPod in her bag.

Esme walks over and hands Bella a bag, which I'm assuming has food in it, "Thanks, mom." Bella says and Esme smiles, placing a kiss on her youngest daughter's head.

We all walk out to Emmett's Jeep, which is the biggest car and can go off roading which we need to get to Emmett's swimming hole. Bella sits on my lap in the backseat, Edward and Alice next to us and Rose and Em in the front. My hands are around her and acting like a seat belt against the bumpy terrain. I think about these last few months. Peter and Charlotte left back in June and are currently in Spain, Char wanting to travel around some more instead of going back to their Texas ranch.

We've all enrolled in Forks High School, me going back to Jasper Whitlock, since I used Hale for my job at Vilette. Rose is still going to act as my twin, using the name Rosalie Whitlock. Bella's name has been changed from Bella Swan to Bella Cullen, with a little help from Jenks. Edward is going to stay Cullen, while Alice and Emmett are going take her human last name, Brandon. Bella's tutor, Danielle, has sent over her transcripts, so she'll be enrolling in junior year with Alice and Edward, while Em, Rose, and I will all be seniors. I wanted to be a junior with Bella, but unfortunately, I look too old and wouldn't pass for a seventeen year old. I was concerned that maybe someone from Vilette would see me as a high schooler, but Alice said she didn't see any problems, thank God. I want to be there with Bella at school, which is why she's going to be taking some advanced classes with me.

We've already discussed mating with Bella, and I've told her that she is indeed, my intended, my Mate. I explained that's what the connection she felt to me was, the mating pull. My Bella has taken everything in stride, accepting all that has been thrown at her and looking on the bright side of things. I'm letting Bella pilot this relationship, though, and I absolutely won't push her into anything. Though, I realize I fall more and more in love with her each day, and I feel the love she has for me, but also the trepidation and uncertainty. I hear her talk to Rosalie a lot, asking many questions to see if the way she's feeling isn't right, but my twin assures her that it's all natural.

It's not just my heart that she's captured. My Bella has captured this whole coven by their hearts and everyone steps in to help her and build her confidence up, since it's been stomped on so much in the past. We've all had to tip-toe around Bella, thinking before we say something, but it's going well and I can feel her comfort rise as each day passes. Each member of the family has taken their time to help Bella.

Emmett's area of expertise is playing a video game or a board game with her. One of Emmett's favorite things is to make Bella blush, though her refrains from anything lewd that might trigger bad memories. He also tries to get her to laugh as much as possible, telling her the stupidest jokes in the world, but laughing at them like they're the funniest. I remember when Rose asked if she found the jokes actually funny, Bella said that she didn't, but she doesn't want to make Emmett feel bad by not laughing.

Rose has taken upon herself to teach Bella about cars and mechanics, which Bella has taken a shine to. I always hear her in the garage with Rose, working on the cars or just sitting with her while Rose does. I swear, there's nothing sexier than seeing Bella walk into the house, grease smeared on her clothes and face, a bright smile on her face. "Kid's a natural." Rose commented one time to me and I'm glad those two have each other, Rose's cold exterior has melted completely by my personal sun, Bella. I guess all it took was someone for her to mother, but she says she likes acting like the older sister more.

Esme has taken to mothering and nurturing her with love, which Bella has been lacking during her childhood. Esme is through the roof ecstatic with having her baby, her youngest daughter to take care of. It gives her some closure from her own son who perished from sickness. Carlisle has taken to his baby girl, as well. The love those two feel for her is incredible, outmatched by only a Mate's love. The first time Bella called them 'mom' and 'dad' Esme sobbed in happiness for a couple of hours straight and I took Bella for a run, so she didn't hear her. Esme loves it when we call her 'mom' but we sometimes don't, since we're so 'old' but Bella really does wish that she was her real mother, well, she actually is. My Bella was never shown maternal love, so she really considers Esme her real mother.

Bella hasn't formed a relationship with Edward and Alice, however, just because they're so different. Edward doesn't understand how to approach here, because she's completely silent to him. He usually sees someone and knows all about them. He's actually uncomfortable around Bella, because he can't read her mind. The one thing he always wished for, and he doesn't know what to do.

Alice doesn't understand how to approach Bella, because they're basically opposites. Bella hates shopping, which I swear she almost broke Alice when she told her that. Alice can't fathom the idea of someone hating _shopping_.

"Jasper?" I'm pulled from my thoughts by Bella's voice and a warm hand on my cheek. I look and see her watching me, brow furrowed in concern. I glance around and see that we're parked, and Emmett, Rose, Edward, and Alice are already heading towards the water. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, Darlin'. I'm fine, just lost in my thoughts." I say as I lift her up and open the door, both of us walking out.

"Go on..." Bella says, nudging me towards the swimming hole and I smile, kissing her warm cheek, before heading towards the water. I stop at the edge and lift the shirt over my head, tossing it near a pile with my sibling's clothes. I feel a spark of shock, lust, and some embarrassment, causing me to turn around and see a flushed Bella looking at me with wide eyes. She's staring at my chest with her jaw slightly parted, before she realizes that she's ogling me and drops her head, while I can't help but smirk. Lust. Not an ounce of disgust or fear. Of course, she can't see them that well with her human sight, but still, she finds me attractive...it's a small victory to me.

I dive in after my siblings, all of them already having fun, while Emmett and Edward are enjoying looking at their Mate's in bathing suits. Glancing back to my beauty, I see her sitting on the hood of the Jeep, iPod in her ears and eyes on a book. As if by some magnetic force she glances up, sees me looking and smiles, giving me a small wave. I return it with a wave of my own and a wink, before something over my shoulder catches her attention and wipes the smile from her face. I frown and follow her gaze, immediately understanding.

Rose is on one of Emmett's brawny shoulders as he carries her around like a trophy. I feel a burst of jealousy, shame, worthlessness, and disgust. I turn back around, seeing Bella ducking her head and looking down at the book in her lap, her shoulders slumped. She's feeling self-conscious again about her body because of Rose's on display.

"Let's go for a walk, Angel." Bella's eyes snap to mine and I inwardly wince as I see that they're glassy, like tears are about to start forming. She immediately plasters on a fake smile and nods her head, resting her bag on the hood of the car as I help her hop down. We walk a little way into the woods, while Bella continues to watch the ground.

"Bella, do you know how beautiful you are?" I ask and she shakes her head, muttering some bullshit that she isn't and that I must be blind. "My eyesight is perfect, Darlin', and I know you are."

My Mate is a stubborn thing as she shakes her head, causing me to sigh, exasperated. I stop and cup her face in my hands, Bella connecting her doe eyes to mine, "Bella, I will not lie to you. Ever. You understand that, right?" at her nod, I continue, "Well, then, you should believe me when I say you are the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on. I think you're stunning, but it's not only your outer beauty that gets me, it's your compassion and selflessness and your strength. All you have endured during your life, and your still fighting. You are perfect to me, Angel. You are, Bella."

Bella now has tears slipping down her cheeks, but I can tell my words aren't enough, so I see that it's time for desperate measures. I project ever single ounce of love I feel for Bella, along with trust, desire, and even the lust I feel for her. She gasps and I grab her around her waist to keep her knees from buckling.

"That's..._that's_ how you feel?" she whispers in shock and I nod my head. She ducks her head down, before letting the emotions flood out of her - love, trust, happiness, comfort. I close my eyes and let her soak me with her emotions, my heart filling with warmth.

I then feel something warm brush against my lips and I suck in a sharp breath. Bella jumps back and I open my eyes, seeing that she's blushing and embarrassed, "I'm sorry. Did I do something wrong?"

I don't even think I can talk, so I show her that she didn't do anything wrong. Gently cupping her face with my hands and bringing my lips down to hers. She stiffens a little, but gradually relaxes and starts to kiss me back. I let her stay in control, going as slow as she wants to and giving her the freedom to stop at any time. Inwardly, my beast is roaring in satisfaction and absolutely loving the taste of our Mate; so sweet and delicious. Her lips are incredibly soft and full, feeling like heaven against my mouth.

We hear a wolf whistle to my right and pull back, turning to see Emmett and Rose standing there. Emmett has a shit-eating grin that he and Peter have perfected, while Rose is just smirking, radiating happiness for us. Bella buries her face against my chest, flushing red while I just hold her in my embrace, sending a bucket load of lust to those two. They lose their grins and turn to look at each other, before suddenly disappearing into the woods.

I think they have something more fun to do than watch me kiss my Mate.

* * *

_A/N: Guns and Horses by Ellie Goulding._


	14. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

**Chapter 14**

**One Step Forward, Two Steps Back**

**Bella Cullen POV**

"Baby girl, it's time to get up for school." I hear my mom as she gently shakes me awake. I groan and pull the blanket over my head, hearing her soft chuckle as she pulls it off. "Come on, Honey."

I begrudgingly open my eyes, rubbing them as I sit up. I see that she brought in a tray of food for me and I smile, sitting up as she puts it on the bed next to me. "Thanks, mom."

She leans forward and kisses my head, before walking out of the room. I grab my remote off the table and turn on the tv to watch while eating my breakfast, though my stomach is doing flip-flops. I couldn't get to sleep last night and finally I broke down and called for Jasper, who flooded me with enough lethargy to knock me out. I'm extremely nervous about today, and I wonder what the kids are going to say about me. Well, at least I'll have my family with me.

"Good morning, Beautiful." I hear from the doorway and turn, seeing Jasper standing there, already dressed for school.

"Morning, Jasper." I reply and he walks over, sitting on the bed next to me and kissing my cheek. We've shared some kisses here and there after that day at the swimming hole, but he always lets me start. Sometimes, I get really scared that we'll take things to fast, but then I realize that it's Jasper and I want to take things another step. I'm so lucky to have someone as patient as him, because some guys would be turned off by the baby steps we're taking.

My dad walks into my room and over to me, kissing me on my head, while I glance up to him with a smile, "Just wanted to see you before school, baby girl. Good luck. I know you're going to do great.

And that's why I love my dad. Little things that my 'sperm donor' didn't do, Carlisle makes sure that he does. He actually cares about me, and I wish that he's my real dad. For all intents and purposes, he is. He's written me a note saying that with my 'illness', I've been rendered too 'weak' to take part gym class. With a little vampire 'dazzling' as I call it, they believed him, so now I have a study hall, which I share with Jasper. I was nervous to change in front of all those girls, especially the ones who used to torment me, so I'm glad that I don't have to. I know the main concern of everyone is that I'll 'fall off the wagon' and start cutting again, and, to tell you the truth, I'm nervous as well...

"Thanks, dad." I reply with a smile before he has to get going to work.

After I eat, Jasper places a kiss on my head and takes the tray downstairs, leaving me to get dressed. Opening my closet, I take out a grey jumper, a pair of jeans, and black ankle boots for my 'first day of school outfit'. Thankfully, Rose knows my style when she bought me these clothes. Speak of the devil, she appears in my doorway, asking if she can do my hair. I nod my head and she loosely curls my hair, which I smile at. "Thanks, Rose." I say, turning around and hugging her in thanks. Knowing that she and Em and Jasper are going to be there with me does help, because I know they'll give me strength.

I pull on the Cullen crest necklace that matches Rose's. My mom and dad gave it to me last month, and I wear it everyday as a sign of who I am now, Bella Cullen. I killed Isabella Swan the day I left Vilette, and she'll stay dead. I open my messenger bag and make sure that I have all my notebooks, pens, and pencils, before slipping my iPod and cellphone in the front. Taking a last look in my mirror, I sigh and turn off my light, stepping out of my room. As soon as I step out of my room, I'm swept off my feet, causing me to squeal.

"First day of school, Belly Bean!" Emmett yells as we run down the stairs, thankfully, at human speed. Emmett seems to always like to pick me up and swing me around, I guess because I'm toy-sized compare to him.

"Emmett..." I hear my mom warn and Emmett groans, placing me back on my feet, before I sway a little unsteady. Two steely arms keep me up and I melt into Jasper's embrace, laying my head on his shoulder. I'm nervous enough, and Emmett just shook the butterflies up.

"Sorry, Belly Bean." Emmett apologizes, looking sheepish, while Rose smacks him on the back of his head. The loud crack of their granite skin resounds around the house, causing Emmett to cry out in pain and Rose to rolls her eyes.

Jasper pulls up to the school in his truck, while I clutch his hand for dear life at seeing the familiar high school. I was only here for a couple of months before I tried to kill myself, but I know that everyone remembers me, especially because of my dad. I feel a wave of calm wash over me and look to my left, Jasper giving me a reassuring smile. "I'm here."

"I know," I nod my head, my hand squeezing his when I see the bitch twins, Jessica and Lauren, talking to Mike Newton and Tyler Crowley, "Okay..."

He brings my hand to his mouth, placing a kiss on the back of it and then getting out. I open my door and Jasper helps me down from the large truck, immediately taking my hand again. Rose's M3 parked next to us, with Alice and Edward getting out of the back. Everyone turns to stare at us, seeing the new doctor's kids and Bella Swan. I feel uncomfortable under all the stares and Jasper notices this, placing an arm around my shoulder. I turn my head to him, and decide to get a little brazen, while showing the new Bella. I lean up and place my lips against his, kind of staking my claim of him and, also, needing a little comfort that only his embrace can bring. I feel his lips turns up into a smile into the kiss, as he returns it.

When I pull back, he tightens his arm around my shoulder and I see Jessica and Angela's jaws drop at the display, a smile twitching at my lips. I glance over to Rose, who throws me a wink from under Emmett's arm and we walk inside the school, ignoring all the stares.

Jasper and I have four classes together - Calculus, Art, US History, and Study Hall, not including lunch, which is more than half of my classes. Thankfully, I have French with Rose and Emmett, who are fluent, and Biology with Edward. The only class I'm on my own in is Language Arts, which is fine with me, since it's my favorite class.

Classes go by quickly, and I can hear people whispering 'why is Bella Swan with them?' 'Wasn't she in a mental hospital?' Blah, blah, blah... I'm not really listening to it, I'm just having fun being back in a school, being back to some form of normality. I'm so happy that I'm out of that psychiatric hospital, and back into a school. I do miss Danielle, though, but I'm glad I can still keep contact with her. She seemed to be the only one, besides my Mate, who didn't give up on me.

I walk into the lunchroom with my family, hand in hand with Jasper. I can see as we walk inside that everyone turns towards us, gaping at our entrance, while I try to ignore the stares. Jasper gives my hand a squeeze and I look over to him, seeing him smiling at me. I can't help but return it and walk closer to him.

We get our lunches, the vampires just using them as props, before we walk over to the farthest table from everyone. I take my seat next to Jasper, who rests his arm on the back of my chair, pulling me close. "You okay, Darlin'?" he whispers in my ear and I nod my head, placing a kiss on his cheek.

"I'm fine." I reply, seeing Rose looking at me with pride in her eyes, cuddled in Emmett's' brawny arms. Emmett continues cracking jokes and just being his goofy self while I eat lunch, and the vampires pretend to eat lunch.

"I'll be right back." I say, needing a human moment. Jasper nods his head and kisses my cheek, before I stand up and walk towards the bathroom, stepping in. I take care of my business and wash my hands, before the door opens. Lauren and Jessica stand there with smirks on their faces, blocking the exit.

"Hey, freak." Jessica greets warmly, and I roll my eyes, walking over to the paper towel dispenser and drying my hands, "_Hey, _freak." I turn around to face them, raising an eyebrow.

"So, you got released from the mental hospital." Lauren sneers and I sigh, walking until I'm right in front of them. They're not affecting me, at all. I couldn't care less about what they're saying, but if they tried to hit me, there's two of them, and I am still a little scrawny. The aftermath would be the bad part, since my family would be pissed, _especially_ Jasper. I shudder to think what he would do...

"What, all those medications you were on scramble your brain or something?" Lauren snaps and I continue to look at her, keeping an indifferent look on my face. "What a fucking freak. You shouldn't have come back here. How the hell did you end up with _that_ guy?"

"He probably just feels sorry for her. I mean, look at her... what the hell could he possibly see in an ugly freak." Jessica says and I can feel the tears prickling in my eyes, as they play on the one thing that gets me. The one thing that will bring a reaction out of me. The one thing that they can pick at to make me feel weak. Jasper. They're right for once, I don't know what Jasper sees in me.

"That's enough!" I hear an angry yell and the duo whip around, coming face to face with my very angry, big sister, "What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you really that pathetic to pick on her when she's done nothing to you? I swear, if you so much as look as look at my baby sister again... well, let's just say that you'll make me _very angry._" Rose tells them, deathly calm as she stalks closer to the duo, who are cowering in fear, "And let me tell you something, little girls, you don't want me to be angry at you. Leave Bella alone, got it?!" at their fearful nod, Rose turns to me, "Come on, little sister."

* * *

**Jasper Whitlock POV**

I'm so proud of her.

She's doing amazing, keeping her head up high and staying incredibly strong. I'm glad that we have most of our classes together, so I can keep an eye on her. I'm feeling extremely protective of her, especially now in this school. I can hear the things people are whispering about her, and it's downright nasty. The names they're calling her are pissing me off, but I know I can't lose control and snap, no matter how much I want to for these petulant children picking on my Mate.

Bella stands up and walks into the bathroom as I try to distract myself from everyone's emotions. Whenever my Bella is near me, everything is centered. I can think, I can breathe, I can live. Bella is to me as oxygen is to a human - a necessity.

A low growl builds up into Rose's throat, triggering my own, as I glance around for my Mate, and the threat that Rose sees. "I'll be right back." Rose growls, standing up and sauntering over to the bathroom. I watch her as she storms into the bathroom, almost ripping the door off its hinges, before I hear her angry voice.

"That's enough What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you really that pathetic to pick on her, when she's done nothing to you? I swear, if you so much as look as look at my baby sister again... well, let's just say that you'll make me _very angry._ And let me tell you something, little girls, you don't want to be angry at you. Leave Bella alone, got it?!"

A growl builds inside my chest and I stand up, walking towards the bathrooms as Rose walks out, Bella walking behind her with a straight face. I immediately walk over to her and take her in my arm, as she weakly wraps her arms around me. The two little bitches walk out of the bathroom a couple of seconds later, radiating fear of Rose... and now, me. They're also envious of the proximity which I'm holding my beauty at the moment. I glare at them as I hold Bella, and my beast roars in seeing the two that hurt our Mate's eyes widen, before they scamper away and back to their table, their tails tucked between their legs. "Don't listen them, baby. They were radiating jealousy. That's all it is, just nasty jealousy. Okay?"

"Yeah..." she replies in an flat tone and I sigh, cupping her face and making her connect her eyes to mine.

"They're jealous. Don't let stupid girls like that hinder all you've worked on. Okay, Sugar?" she nods her head and response, a slight smile twitching at her lips, before I lower my mouth and connect to hers in a chaste kiss.

The rest of the day goes by quickly, and I walk with Bella under my arm to our classes, feeling the envy from the girls directed at Bella, and I glance down at my beauty, seeing no one else but her. Our last class, I unfortunately don't have with her, neither does Edward or Alice. I'm concerned that those nasty girls won't heed Rose's warning, but Bella laces her fingers with mine, as if sensing my inner turmoil.

After the final bell rings, I pack up all of my stuff and am the first out of class, wanting to go meet Bella after her class. I hope that everything went okay without one of us in class with her, and I hope that she's okay. I get to the hallway her class is in and see that she's talking to a girl with glasses and a guy with black hair. A smile actually curves Bella's lips as the brunette girl says something that I can't hear, since there's too much noise in the hallway.

"Bye, Bella." the two say to Bella, who gives them a wave as they walk away. I walk towards Bella and her smile grows as she sees me.

"Hi, Beautiful. You okay?" I drawl as Bella walks into my embrace, and she nods against my chest. I place a kiss on the top of her head and she raises her head, smiling at me. "Who was that?"

"Do you remember when I told you about Angela and Ben?" she asks me and I nod my head, remembering that they were the two people who were nice to her. "That was them. Angela was just saying that she's happy I'm better."

I smile and drop a kiss on her head, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as we walk outside and over to my truck to go home. First day of school was a success.

* * *

I place my phone down after my talk with Jenks, regarding Bella's bank accounts. Everything is all settled and I already have them stashed away. I also have a credit card linked to my account that I'm going to give to her when she gets back from the grocery store with Esme. Emmett went along just to get out of the house, and Alice and Edward are out hunting, so it's just Rose and I in the house.

"Hey," my sister says as she walks inside my study, taking a seat on the leather couch, "What are you getting Bella for her birthday tomorrow?"

Oh, yes, Bella turns seventeen tomorrow... and we are under strict orders to not throw her a party, much to Alice's annoyance. She wanted to throw her a party, but we all told her that forcing Bella into something she doesn't want could hinder her progress. Bella also said that she doesn't want presents, but that's where we put our feet down. She figured she wasn't going to win that argument, so she amended that she didn't want any extravagant gifts. Christmas is fair game, though, and she begrudgingly agreed to that, too.

I take out the small wooden box from my desk, that holds one of the last connections I have to my human life. I open it and Rose walks around, gasping when she sees it, "Jazz, it's beautiful."

"It was my mother's." I explain, picking up the gold locket. It has an intricate design on the front, with a romantic period painting. It's I smile at the memory I have of it. My father gave her this locket when he was courting her. He died about a year before I went to join the Army, and right before I left, she gave me this locket to remember her by, and it was the last time I ever saw her. I kept it safe in my times during the newborn wars.

I open it up and show Rose a picture on one side of Bella and I in August, a couple of days after we first kissed. Esme took it, wanting to put up some more pictures of Bella around the house, since she has so many of the rest of us. She has a beautiful wide smile on her face as she looks at the camera, but my eyes are on her. "She's going to love it."

"I hope so. What are you getting her?"

"Em and I found a stripped down 1970 Mustang Fastback that Bells and I are going to repair together while she gets her license. Cost only about $2,000." Rose says with a shrug and I smile, knowing that Bella is going to love it. She got her permit, but has to wait six months to get her license, which is a good time to put together the car. "I don't know what Alice and Edward got her, but Carlisle and Esme got her a first edition of 'The Catcher in the Rye' inscribed by J.D. Salinger. Her and her books. A woman after your own heart, huh?"

"You have no idea." I reply with a smile, before hearing Esme's car pull down the road and into the driveway.

"Looks like your lady is home." Rose says and my smile even widens as I place the locket back in the box and placing it back in my desk. I hear the door leading to the garage open rapid footsteps, someone running at human speed. Frowning as I'm pinned to my chair with emotions of frustration, hurt, sadness, loathing, and disgust. I recognize that it's Bella's emotional signature and I force myself out of the chair. I also feel Emmett and Esme from downstairs, and they're both completely pissed off. They also feel concerned. I've never felt this much anger from Esme before, and Emmett's emotions show that he wants to go on a fucking warpath.

What the hell happened?


	15. Memories Will Taunt You

**Chapter 15**

**Memories Will Taunt You**

**Bella Cullen POV**

After school, Esme said that she had to go to the grocery store, so I wanted to come with her. Emmett then acted like it was a magical adventure, so he tagged along. Esme asked me to go get some snacks, so I went down the aisle looking for something, when I remembered that my monthly visitor was coming up. That's a little uncomfortable in a house full of vampires, all of them knowing when you have your monthly bill, and all of them besides Jasper and my dad having to hunt a little extra.

"What else do you need, Belly Bean?" Emmett asks as I hand him a bag of chips to put in the basket in his hand.

I get an idea and turn to Emmett with a grin, which he returns with a dimpled one of his own, "Emmett, do you love me?"

"Of course, Belly! You're my baby sis!" Emmett says, a little louder than he should, but I just smile at him. I love having an older brother to talk to and joke with, which is a stark contrast from growing up alone. "Wait, why?"

"Is the self-proclaimed 'Prank King' up for a dare?" I ask with a raised eyebrow, and his eyes widen.

"Hell yeah! Bring it on!" Emmett says, bouncing on his feet in excitement.

"I dare you to go get me tampons." I say and the grin drops off his face, making me laugh.

"Uh... I don't know, Bells. I mean, I might get the wrong kind."

"Emmett, there isn't really a wrong kind... wait, are you too _chicken_?" Bella asks and Emmett frowns, puffing his chest out as if he's trying to regain his man-card.

"I am _not _a chicken. I'll be right back!" Emmett says, before speeding along down the aisle, making me laugh. I walk further down the aisle, waiting for Emmett, excited to tell Rose that I made Emmett go get me tampons. Oh, she's going to have a field day with this one. I walk a little further down the aisle, waiting for Emmett to get back with a smile on my face._ Maybe this day won't suck after all..._

"Well, what do we have here?"

_I spoke too soon..._

I hear the familiar voice from behind me, only it's deeper than the last time I heard it. Turning around, I'm met face to face with a taller, brawnier, and short-haired Jacob Black, the bane of my existence and one of my biggest tormentors. Standing next to him, I recognize are his minions, Embry and Quil. They look the same as Jake - taller, brawnier, and short-haired. I guess puberty really hit them hard...

"Jake, Quil, Embry." I say, flatly, trying to shrink into the ground. All of them top well over six feet, and I feel so puny under them.

"Finally let you out of the nuthouse, huh?" Jake smirks and I just a keep a straight face, not answering him. I try to look around for a way out, but I'm cornered in, "I asked you a question."

All I can see is that he's bigger, and therefore, stronger than me. He could hurt me, and he wouldn't even care... it's not like it's the first time. I glance around, trying to find my brother and mom, seeing if they could help me. Jake continues to glare at me, while Embry and Quil look a little uncomfortable.

"Leave me alone." I say, trying to walk away, but Jake grabs my arms and slams me against the shelves as I squeak. I hiss in pain as my back slams against the metal and it's Slimeball Steve all over again. I start shaking as I feel his disgusting hands on me and I feel the tears slipping down my cheeks, "Oh, look, I made her cry." he says, gripping my shoulders tighter, painfully and I know they're going to bruise.

"Jake, come on, man..." Embry starts, him and Quil looking extremely uncomfortable now, Quil has a hand on Jake's shoulder trying to pull him away, while I try to sink into the ground, the tears running down my face.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I hear an enraged voice and turn my head, seeing my big brother standing there, huge arms crossed over his chest, glaring at the trio. Jake lets me go and they all step back, glaring at Emmett, who steps protectively in front of me. "I asked you a question."

"We were just welcoming Bella back to Forks. Our fathers were friends." Jake says and I move closer to Emmett, clinging to the back of his shirt for comfort.

"Really? It looked like you were putting your hands on my baby sister, and she didn't want to be touched... especially by the likes of you, _mutt_. Bella is under our protection, and you'll do well to remember that." Emmett growls and I glance around, seeing people walking down the aisle. Wait, why is he calling him a mutt? Under their protection?

"Emmett..." I whimper and he sighs, turning and slinging a brawny arm across my shoulder, but keeping me slightly behind him.

"Whatever, leech. Let's go." he directs at Quil and Embry, who follow him down the aisle. Emmett turns to me as they leave and cups my face, his a mask of concern. Leech. They know that they're vampires! How?

"Bells, are you okay?" he asks and I shake my head, feeling disgusted with myself and with them. Emmett nods and keeps his arm around my shoulder, "Come on."

Emmett leads me outside and over to the car, sliding in the backseat with me and placing an arm around my shoulder. He flips out his cellphone and tells Esme that we're at the car, while I lean into my big brother's embrace, the tears still sliding down my cheeks. I can't believe that I'm letting those stupid boys affect me like this!

"Emmett, why did you call them mutts?" I ask and he looks down at me, a little uncomfortable.

"I'm going to let Jasper tell you that one, kiddo." Emmett says and I sigh, but nod my head. I can't believe that I saw them and I totally froze up. What the hell is wrong with me?

You're a pathetic fool, Bella.

* * *

**Jasper Whitlock POV**

The door to Bella's room slams shut and I close my eyes, focusing the emotions, which are pinning me to my chair, away and focus on the ones downstairs. Bella's are so potent, they literally can hold me down like a restraint. I stand up and walk out the door, hearing Emmett muttering curses and stomping around downstairs, so I decide to find out what happened first, before going to Bella, whose emotions are a little much right now.

"Stupid... fucking... idiots." Emmett grumbles under his breath, Rose walking over to her husband and placing a hand on his shoulder.

"What happened, Em?"

"Those Quilete mutts, that's what. Three of them must have known Bella and ganged up on her in the store." Emmett says and the snarl that tears from my chest is deafening, shaking the very foundation of the house. Those dogs hurt my Bella? Rose growls as well, and I can see Esme clutching her purse so tight, the leather shreds like tissue paper in her hands. She looks down and sighs, before flitting out of the room.

Carlisle already met with the beta of the pack, Sam Uley, after the new pack was formed. Apparently, us moving here set in the fever that started the phasing. They have a new alpha of the pack, Jacob Black, who is a descendant of Ephraim Black, the old alpha. After he phased, he took over. They made sure that the treaty was the same, which I wasn't present for since I wasn't in Forks the last time they were here, but I understand the treaty. Imprints and Mates are basically a line you don't cross, and you are not to harm them, which they did. Technically, this could mean war, but we won't go there... yet. They try it again, I might have to teach these mutts a lesson.

"Em..." I growl out, and he looks over to me, "Did they touch her?"

He nods his head, and Rose then growls at this while I flit up to my Mate's room, hearing her soft sobs through the door, the sound tearing my heart in two, "Bella? Darlin'?"

No answer. Her emotions are about the same as they were, and I try to send her all of my love through the door, needing her to not cry or be upset. "Bella? Baby, can I come in?"

She doesn't give a verbal answer, but she sends her acceptance through her emotions and I open the door to her room, stepping in and shutting the door. I see Bella sitting on her bed, knees curled up to her chest and body shuddering with quiet sobs. I immediately flit over to her and take her in my arms, keeping her in my lap and tucked into my protective embrace.

"What happened?"

She sits in my lap for a while, wringing her hands together, while I stay patient and let her take her time. "I ran into the bane of my existence, Jacob Black... he's from the reservation. He was with his friends, Quil and Embry. He was just saying some mean things and when I tried to leave, he grabbed my arms and shoved me back into the shelf." I growl at this and she wraps her arms around me tighter, her warm breath on my neck. I place a kiss on her neck, focusing on claming myself down with her scent. "He would always make fun of me when I was there with my parents. I'm just frustrated, because I'm letting him get to me. I was...kind of scared, too. Because of the whole Steve thing... he was bigger than the last time I saw him and I just kept seeing his height and how brawny he is..."

I let loose another growl at this, not wanting her to be scared of those puppies. This changes things, since it was the alpha that touched Bella. That fucking idiot. I would gladly take out all of them, but we have a treaty. We may need to call a meeting however, and let their alpha know that those overgrown pups need a lesson in manners. One of them assaulted my Mate, and that's not fucking okay.

"Can I see?" I ask her and she looks over to me, staring into my eyes for a long time, while her emotions flicker from uncertainty, anxiety, love, and then acceptance. She unwraps her arms from around me and stands up, bringing her hands to the bottom of her jumper and pausing... before taking it off.

She's wearing a black tank top underneath of it but I don't spare any time for her exposed skin as I immediately focus on the darkening bruises right near her biceps, the shape of very large hands. I let loose a growl and am up, brushing my cold hands over them. Bella shivers at the contact, but doesn't flinch back. I then remember she was shoved into the shelves, and I move her hair over her shoulder, seeing a bruise on her back. Stupid fucking mutts!

I take her in my arms again and pepper her face with kisses, trying to fill her with as much love and serenity as I can. My Mate shouldn't be upset, never should she be upset. I'll make her happy, again. I need my Bella to be smiling.

"Jasper, Emmett called them mutts, and they called him a leech. How did they know?" Bella asks me and I sigh, knowing that I can't lie to those brown eyes.

"Bella, vampires aren't the only creatures out there. Jacob Black, he is the alpha of a shape shifter pack. Most of the boys you know are shape shifters. Their shape shifting form, are wolves. That's why Emmett called them mutts."

Bella's eyes widen and I focus on keeping her emotions calm, "Wolves?"

"Yes. They weren't always wolves, like when you knew them, but when we moved to the area, it triggered the change. They were made to kill us, but long before Alice and I even came to the Cullens, they made the treaty so that we could live in peace. They're nasty little shits, though..." I growl, burying my face in her hair, and taking a deep gulp of her scent.

"This is just... too much." I smell salt and pull back, seeing fresh tears trailing down Bella's cheeks as she keeps her head down. I spend the rest of the day with Bella in my arms, singing to her, breathing in her scent, and murmuring my love as she cries, before she tires herself out enough to fall asleep. I call Rose in the room and she looks murderous, before her gaze softens as it falls on Bella, "Can you change her into some comfortable pj's?" I wouldn't have a problem with changing her, but I want to give Bella some decency, because we aren't at that stage in our relationship, just yet.

"Sure." she replies with a smile, before I walk out of the room to leave them some privacy.

I walk down the stairs and into the garage to help Esme carry the groceries in. I can feel how angry Esme is, and I'm actually surprised. Well, I shouldn't be, since someone threatened her baby. We don't talk for the rest of they day, Bella being attacked affecting all of us. Carlisle comes home at seven and we call a family meeting, everyone gathering around the table.

"One of the Quilete wolves assaulted my Mate today." I start, multiple growls resounding from around the table. I glance up to see Carlisle's eyes completely black, and I'm, once again, surprised. He loses all the compassionate father figure, turning into a true vampire, radiating protectiveness towards my Mate. My beast sends his acceptance at this, our Mate's daddy is on our side. He sometimes didn't agree with Carlisle's pacifist ways, but they seem to be on the same page.

"What do you mean, son?" Carlisle asks and I sigh, looking over to Emmett, who was there.

"So, I was going to get something for Bella, when I smelled those dogs, and didn't trust Bella being alone. I found three of them ganging up on Bella and the one was holding her against the shelf."

"She has bruises." I cut in, my hands turning tightening into fists.

"Do you know their names?" Carlisle asks and I growl, my lips curling into a snarl.

"It was the alpha, Jacob Black."

"They violated the treaty! Those stupid overgrown puppies..." Rose growls and Carlisle takes a deep, calming breath.

"A war is not something we, nor Bella, needs to worry about right now. I think we're in a difficult situation at the moment, since it was the alpha who violated the treaty."

"Should we call a meeting?" Esme asks and I shrug, not thinking that it would help. I would like to meet with him though, and make him aware that I won't tolerate violence, or threats, against my Mate. Right now though, we just need to focus on Bella, and making sure this doesn't affect her as much as it should.

We're all sitting around the living room, where I feel Bella's emotions turn to fear and panic, but I recognize that she's still asleep, just having a nightmare. I get up to rush to her room when I hear her scream and am immediately by her side, taking her in my arms.

"Shh... it's okay, Sweetheart. I'm here. It's just a nasty dream. I won't let anything hurt you... don't worry, Baby." I murmur as I gently rock her and she doesn't wake up, so I pump her with enough lethargy and calm for her to have a dreamless sleep.

* * *

_A/N: Long time, no see. This will be my last update until mid-November, when I'll have time to upload again. Same for my other stories. Don't worry, I'm not leaving forever._


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